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I'm doing the right thing by completely ignoring him, right?

Published on September 2, 2010 by jennk

Earlier this spring/summer, I had a "summer camp romance" -- an intense, two-month relationship that had an expiration date. He was moving from the midwest to the south at the end of June.

I was initially very cautious because of this, but he heavily pursued me. We chatted/texted all day, every day. We'd spend weekends together, and bake cakes, and make each other mix tapes. The closer we got to his move date? The more he would amp up the romance. I had those cartoon heart bubbles popping up around me. He was like the man I made up in my head.

I didn't expect him to "stay" for me -- things were going smashingly, but it was WAAAY too soon for me to influence decisions like that. Hell, I wasn't even expecting some big commitment out of him when he left, but the way he behaved indicated that we'd continue visiting each other - a casual long distance "thing" (if those exist). My friends agreed - with the way things were going, they saw an eventual long-distance relationship in our future. ("I couldn't make up a guy that is more perfect for you," my roommate had said.)

Which made it all the more horrifying when he basically told me that nothing was going to happen between us after he crossed the Mason-Dixon Line. He sealed this by saying things SATURATED WITH FINALITY during our goodbyes: "I hope you find what you're looking for," and "It's been great getting to know you these past couple months." Ouch. Shattered.

It was like someone had given him the handbook on how to seduce me, and then he smacked me in the face with it. I was livid. I hated that he made me into a fool. The only solace I had was that his last words were those of a man I never had to speak to or see again...

...Except that he texted me "I'll miss you" the next day. And he kept texting. And commenting on my facebook stuff. And @replying to my tweets. And emailing. And occasionally gchatting me.

It's gone on like this for two months. And it's driving me crazy.

Mind you, other than that first "miss you," these are COMPLETELY PLATONIC comments. He'll talk about a new song he heard, or he'll ask me to edit something he wrote. At first, my heart soared with every point of contact, because, "He's still thinking about me! He wants me to know he still cares!" (You know, that stupid pilot light of hope.) I'd reply to everything he'd say, hoping to keep the conversation going so he'd rediscover how amazing I am!

But once I saw that new girl in his FB profile picture? I realized that I am an idiot, and I've apparently slipped into the friendship zone. And so - starting a few days ago, I stopped replying to all of his virtual "touches." He will "touch base" with me at least once a day, and I've just stopped feeding into it.

A part of me still feels bad for doing this, but I feel like it's the only way I can start to heal from what happened. I'm doing this with the expectation that he'll eventually just stop talking to me and slip away into my memories, but that kind of makes me sad, too. I guess a part of me is still holding on.

Someone just tell me I'm doing the right thing, here.

ANSWERS

You are doing the right thing. It seems like he's been using your interest to feed his ego. You don't need to be in that situation. You don't deserve that. You can find someonw who isn't going to play mind games and treat you with the respect you deserve.

Good for you, for standing your ground and working toward emotional healing so you can move on to bigger and better things.

If you're feeling empowered enough, block his texts, defriend him, etc. This is about YOUR emotional well being, NOT his ego.

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