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IF he was such a nice guy, why do I feel like he led me on?

Published on March 3, 2014 by misscastle38

This time last year I was in an unhappy marriage. There was no passion, we were like two friends living in the same house. I fell for someone at work and he told me all the things I needed to hear at the time. He told me I was good looking, I was attractive, he sent loads of texts, phoned me, etc. Then one evening I walked out of the house with the intention of meeting him and starting an affair. I was upset. He did the right thing by bringing a mutual friend along, but then apologised later that evening for doing so and that he wouldn't have trusted himself to turn up alone. I'd decided to leave my husband, counselling didn't help us. This bloke kept talking to me, texting me. When I had to escape in May for a few weeks he kept in contact. I sent him an email trying to explain things. He suggested we went for a drink at some point and that he hadn't read the email, wanted me to be sure and that I didn't regret it. By July he wasn't talking to me anymore socially. He got a job over me and I was even more of an outcast. We used to be such good friends, why would he not explain to me what happened? Had he just been leading me on? I asked him directly, but never got an answer. I want to move on, but it bothers me that I don't know what happened.


Dear misscastle38,

The only one holding you back from moving on is you. You may never know why he never explained himself, it would have been the respectful, tactful thing to do. However, we live in a world where we feel we're "owed" an explanation for everything. We could postulate many reasons for his actions. It is likely that he himself felt like he was responsible for breaking up your marriage and felt too guilty and ashamed to continue. Many people enjoy flirting with danger but when it comes time to actually participate, it's a much different feeling.

The only one who can give you his reasons are him and if he won't give them to you then you must accept this and move on.

Thank you for your honest response. I needed to hear it, so to speak. I suppose part of what bothers me, is whether he did actually like me or as you put it he was just 'flirting with danger'. I guess that's something else I'll never really know.