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i went thru my bfs phone and now i regret it

Published on September 3, 2012 by margaret1

background: one of my best friends was in a relationship going in 5 years, when he suddenly broke up with her. long story short she eventually came to find out that he is now with another girl and theyre already expecting. needless to say she was distraught, not knowing why he broke up with her in the first place, and how those years seemed to mean nothing to him bc it was so abrupt. anyways when she came to me for advice, i hurt for her bc i was scared that that could have easily been me; my bf and i have been together almost 4 years also and i would never have questioned his integrity....until now. yes i suppose my fear got the best of me and i went thru his phone. mind u i have had his password before but hes changed it and said there was no reason i should need it if i trust him. and he doesnt have mine either even though i've offered but he's never accepted. anyways when i went thru his phone i found pictures; of his friend a girl i do know about, in her bikini....and text messages between them, with her saying she was horny and he wanted her to send pictures, of her in lingerie that she said she was wearing...if anything it seemed like he was the one initiating and she was teasing him. i know they've met for coffee and he said in this conversation that she looked hot. his bothered me, having this information but hesistant to confront him bc of how i found out. i've given advice before in a similar situation to a friend and asked her why she snooped and only be willing to tell him if shes prepared to deal with a breakup. this is bothering my concious equally for 3 reasons ; 1) bc i snooped 2) bc he's initiating a sexual conversation with another girl 3) bc he had pictures of her in a bikini. i attempted to confront him when i asked to see pictures hes taken of us, knowing its in the same folder of where the other girls pictures were. i was beside him, but he pulled away and quickly deleted them. i asked him who that girl was bc i was able to see the pictures briefly and he said he didnt know who i was talking about. and yes i facebooked her and it is his friend that i saw. would i be this bothered if i hadnt snooped? no would i still trust him 100% if i hadnt have seen those pictures? yes but now that i have im questioning my...naivete. so basically i put myself in this situation and am reaping my consequences. i think its ok for 2 people to be in a relationship and think other people are attractive. but its not ok for my bf to be asking another girl to send pictures of herself in her underwear. but its also wrong that i looked thru his phone. what the hell do i do????


Lets put aside the fact that you snooped, and look at the facts. Your boyfriend is emotionally cheating on you, and crossing boundaries, by engaging in sexual talk with another woman. Is this the type of man you want to build a life with? He's not going to change. Or, I'm guessing you two are young, and maybe in the future he will become a mature man who evolves into a good parter, but there's no guarantee of this.

There are men out there who don't do this. I know you've been with him for quite a long time, but no matter how long it's been, it's time to decide if you want to live a life with someone who does this type of thing behind your back.

This type of man is usually never satisfied with the attention of one woman. This type of man will go running to the other woman when he feels disrespected by his significant other. This type of man is investing time in another woman, that could be invested in you, solely.

Value yourself enough to do what's right for you. Love is never enough. Your happiness lies in a man who knows how to be in an emotionally mature relationship with you, and doesn't seek the attentions of other women. Good luck.

hi thank u for ur caring advice. well we're both 25 so..adults for sure. i feel i need to come clean and tell him i snooped. its funny isnt it? that im more disappointed i had to be sneaky to find out than i am that hes..interested in another girl.. im unsure of how to go about it now...

I did this exact thing, only months and months after my bf denied anything was going on when I could see something amiss. I had to admit I went through his phone in order for him to admit he was being inappropriate with several women on texts and e,ails and fb messages. We made it through, but he spent more time being appalled that I entreat through his phone than he did being sorry for all the lies and for betraying me. Confront him softly, objectively, and tell him how sick you are that you went through his phone. Pay attention to his reaction.... If his reaction is stronger to "your betrayal" than to his, he is like my bf--- a manipulator who is really really good at diverting the real issue, make your next decision carefully. I have lost a lot more from his reaction than I ever imagined I would. I now know that I a with a master manipulator, and I have to deal with that every day until I decide if I want to stay in this forever or not...

well..i totally plan on telling him that i went thru his phone and apologize for it. as for his reaction we'll see. all i know is i dont wanna be played. if he wants someone else then i wouldnt make him stay...i dont want love to be blind.

You've betrayed his trust by snooping through his phone, and he has betrayed your trust by having these inappropriate interactions with this other girl. Neither one of you is going to be able to completely trust the other again, which will poison your relationship. Break it off so you can each start over afresh with someone whom you won't ever be able to trust again.