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I want to meet a guy I've been talking to online.

Published on May 2, 2012 by janinasgot

I"m not sure who should pay for the airline tickets(he has invited me). The tickets are btw 4-5 hundred dollars. Can you give me some help with this

Nina

ANSWERS

  1. Have HIM come to your city (and he stays in a hotel - not your home) so you have the home field advantage. This will make you feel more secure, and shouldn't bother him too much.
  2. Since this IS much more expensive than a normal first date, it might not be unreasonable to offer to pay for half his ticket (also circumvents the, "I spent all this money to see you - how about some action?" guilt trip)
  3. Abide by the normal safety rules for a first date (public place, tell people where you are, go with friends or to a place you are known, etc.)
  4. Since he'll probably be coming for a weekend, take the opportunity to take him to church with you. You get to see him in a different setting this way. It doesn't have to be super religious, but if he refuses, it will tell you a bit more about him.

No. Never spend more than $5.00 on a first date. I know from experience with years of online dating. 9 out of 10 times, it's not going to work out. Photos and e-mails and phone calls are all fantasy. Partial reality hits when you actually meet. Either you're attracted to each other, or he looks a million times worse than his photo or you get a bad gut feeling about him. If you are attracted, it takes a good 3 or 4 months to get past the high of a new relationship to see how the person will consistently treat you. They may have lied at the beginning, saying they were looking for a long term relationship, but only wanted sex and then to dump you.

My rule was to date within 50 miles of me. Why start a relationship the hard way, having to pay a lot of money to see each other? How can you know how he will consistently treat you when you can't see each other twice a week? Don't you want a companion who you can physically get together with a few times a week? Make him put all the effort at the beginning, then you won't be out anything. Also, the trouble with long distance is that you and he will be spending 2 or 3 days together since one of you is travelling. That's getting way too serious way too fast, and spells disaster for a new relationship. Do not have sex with a man until you've regularly dated for a few months. See if he's patient enough to wait. If he's not, he never wanted a long distance relationship in the first place. You're placing yourself in danger if you fly to him. You don't know if he has a criminal record. You don't know if he'd do harm to you. He'll know where you're staying if you're there. In your hometown, he wouldn't know where you live. Never go to each other's homes for a date for a few months. It always leads to premature sex.

My advice? Don't go and date locally. Good luck.

Nina, This man should come to you, and should be like any other "blind" date. If he has indeed invited you, he should pay for the tickets as well as a place for you to stay (alone!) Since too many on-line posters are not quite truthful about themselves, you cannot be "too prudish" for the first meeting. If you do visit, make sure your first meeting is in a public place, and never,ever ...on the first "date"! Dave/

Thanks Dave, I really Appreciate a guys perspective on this. I feel the same way. Really appreciate the advice.

Nina

Wow Safire,

you made some very good points..Who knows who he really is, he could be dangerous or just telling me what I want to hear to get the "Goods".

Just wanted to say thanks and you have opened my eyes to a lot of things.

Thanks for the advice

Nina

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