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i really hate when my boyfriend drinks

Published on July 30, 2009 by dsp

i can't explain it very well, but i just get this depressing feeling everytime he drinks, and i'm just overwhelmed with sadness, which soon turns to anger. I just get so mad at him. He lives 20 minutes away, and in a very dangerous city. also, i never know what he's doing when he drinks, or who he;s with or anything. i don't think of myself as a controlling gf, because i let him do whatever he wants, i just tell him if it really bothers me. for some strange reason, i feel just very hurt when he drinks. he only goes to a few parties a month, but still. sometimes i think it's because i feel left out of his life (he never brings me), other times it's that i feel he's hiding it from me (he only tells me he's gonna drink when he's already at the party, if he tells me at all), and sometimes i think it's becase i don't trust his friends (i think they're a really bad influence). either way, in the end i'm just hurt. can anyone come up with an explanation? or a solution?

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i think u sould just end it his drinking just stresses u out there is obviously trust issues b4 the relationship goes further you should end it or just accept that he drinks and not let it affect u. have u tried drinking with him does he invite u to these parties.My ex used to hate it when i drank he would get upset and pought i thought he was just a party pooper i only drank like once a month and when i did it was in moderation.It turned out that in the end he had no trust in me and he had no confidence in himself.

Does he get abusive? Obnoxious? Does this happen so often that you almost never get to spend time with him? Does he drink to the point of just about blacking out or getting sick every single time he drinks? Does his drinking affect his work?

If its a constant "NO" to all of these questions then I start wondering if you have a background of having trouble with someone who couldn't control themselves around alcohol.

If you really believe your boyfriend has problems with alcohol then ask him to get help. If you honestly know that he doesn't then you need to make this about what is really bugging you. It sounds like you don't enjoy like him going out with his friends.

Does he go out more often with his friends than he does with you? If the answer is still no then you need to let him go and have fun with his friends. We all need to hang out with our own friends at times.

My GF has some rowdy friends. I have no problems with them what so ever, but I know that some of her guy friends in the group have a really hard time bringing their GFs. Why? Because they can't just kick back and get crazy. They have to stay "proper" for some reason, as though they knew that their GF would not approve of their behavior even though they did nothing wrong.

Maybe your guy feels the same way, like he knows that he won't be able to just relax and "be one of the guys" because you are there. We all need to be able to let our hair down sometimes, and it may be by acting in a way that our other halves don't understand because it seems so contrary to how we usually are.

Its not something that threatens a relationship though...at least it doesn't until someone starts making a bigger deal of it than it is. So take a moment and really figure out what it is that bugs you. Of course he is going to hide it from you because you have already told him that you don't approve of it, and he doesn't want to do anything to displease you, but he is still going to hang out with his friends.

i hate it when my boyfriend drinks too much.

it was ok in the beginning when we were just friends, and even when we first started dating - it was fine. we'd get drunk together, no big deal, it was fun. but as the relationship got more serious and i started imagining a future together, i couldn't stand the idea of being with someone with his drinking habits! and this is when i realized that i didn't like his level of drinking. but i didn't say anything right away, i didn't want to keep him from partying, plus i wasn't sure how serious we were.

then finally we had a conversation about where this relationship is going. obviously, he wanted it to keep going, to get more serious essentially. and i said - i like you, but i can't be serious with someone who drinks the way you do. so he promised me to stop drinking so much - and he's kept his promises as far as i'm concerned. and in turn, i feel like i've gotten more serious with him, my feelings have developed into something stronger.

my advice: don't be afraid to be vocal about these things. your guy needs to know how you feel about his drinking. and if he doesn't change, you walk girl

thanks guys, i really appreciate it. it's happening right now as i write this .. i do have issues with people drinking in excess. 6 family members have actually died of alcoholism (well alcohol poisoning in the end obv, but the addiction is what really killed them). my uncle right now is getting his house taken away from him because he's become so deep into his addiction he can't function. he's been in and out of jail multiple times, and on top of all of this, my grandma (who is a recovering alcoholic) is seriously depressed, because she feels it's entirely her fault for being an alcoholic during his childhood. ugh. i really am torn now in my relationship. i've told my bf alllllllllllllllll of that, everything, and explained to him why i hate when he drinks and how uneasy it makes me, and all he can say is that i'm overreacting because hes not an alcoholic and he's not about to die. like omfg, no! guys are such fucking idiots sometimes, sorry any guy that is reading this. like, no, that's not the fucking point. like can't you see how MAYBE all of that horrible experience with loved ones and alcohol in the past makes me hate you when you drink? i just am really at the end of my rope here. i care about him so much, but i can't handle this anymore. he never listens to my feelings if he disagrees with them. i hate it. i just feel like shit even more whenever something is bothering me because he doesn't take it seriously enough to care or fix it.

oh, and another thing. part of why i hate it too is because yes, he does always choose his friends over me. alllllllll the time. i really can't stand that. he hangs out with his friends 24/7 and does whatever he wants with them. i just can't take it anymore .. i don't feel appreciated or important or that my opinions matter. that's what bothers me most.

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