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I love you, I love you not?

Published on October 23, 2013 by deann_11

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 4 years. Although it seems like we are married. We have been living together for most of the relationship(with roommates After 4 years I am ready to move and start our life. He says hes not ready to move. Which I get but after this long he wont tell me he Loves me. Keep in mind growing up he was not in a family that would use the words ILoveYou often or even at all. He is not close with his family at present time either. We have been have been having trouble and I am starting to question how he feels.I asked him to tell me he loves me and he says he wont tell me just to keep me around. My head is spinning I cant tell if he really is in love with me or is he just comfortable after 4 years.

ANSWERS

This is a tough one and I'm sorry you're going through this. It's extremely painful to invest so many years of your life with someone, not to have them love you in return.

I dated a guy exactly like this. Sounds like he has intimacy issues and maybe emotionally immature, damaged, or is not that into you. You can talk to him until you're blue in the face, but if he doesn't care to keep you around, that's a big indicator of how he feels. A man who really cares about a woman won't let her go. And refusing to tell her after 4 years of saying I love you is a big sign either he's got serious issues he's not willing to face, or he does not love you.

It's a tough pill to swallow. You can not get him to face his intimacy issues. He may or may not be aware of them, but regardless, he may never face them. If you want to move forward and he's unwilling, and he's saying he doesn't love you, you need to make a decision. Either you can hang out and waste more years hoping he will one day be the man you want him to be emotionally, or you can move on now. You need to realize he may never tell you that he loves you. You need to decide can you stay in a relationship with a guy who may not want to move in together for another couple years, and may never tell you he loves you. Can you live with this? Whether or not his family used the word "love" isn't the issue.

Ask yourself, do you want a relationship, a marriage, a family with a man who will rarely if ever use the word "love". You may think you could try to put up with it now because you think it will be too hard to end a 4 year investment and find someone new and better, but believe me, later on, you will end up resenting him for never telling you the words you so desperately need to hear. And there's nothing wrong with wanting or needing to hear that you're loved by someone you're in an intimate relationship with.

You have to think about what you want from a relationship and honestly think about whether or not he can give that to you. He may not be capable of meeting your emotional needs in a relationship, ever. I know it's extremely painful and difficult. And we all hope they will change because some movie or some friend dated a guy like that who magically changed when given an ultimatum. That's not the rule, it's the exception. And you can't hold up your life on something that may never be. What if you wait 2 more years and he still won't move in together and still won't say he loves you? Are you going to kick yourself for not leaving 2 years before when you first thought of it?

Decide what you want and how long you're willing to wait around to find out. Either way, draw a line in the sand and stick to it for your own value and worth. You are worth more than a man who won't commit and won't tell you after 4 years he loves you. Know your worth and make choices for yourself that uphold your own precious value.

This is a tough one and I'm sorry you're going through this. It's extremely painful to invest so many years of your life with someone, not to have them love you in return.

I dated a guy exactly like this. Sounds like he has intimacy issues and maybe emotionally immature, damaged, or is not that into you. You can talk to him until you're blue in the face, but if he doesn't care to keep you around, that's a big indicator of how he feels. A man who really cares about a woman won't let her go. And refusing to tell her I love you after 4 years together is a big sign either he's got serious issues he's not willing to face, or he does not love you.

It's a tough pill to swallow. You can not get him to face his intimacy issues. He may or may not be aware of them, but regardless, he may never face them. If you want to move forward and he's unwilling, and he's saying he doesn't love you, you need to make a decision. Either you can hang out and waste more years hoping he will one day be the man you want him to be emotionally, or you can move on now. You need to realize he may never tell you that he loves you. You need to decide can you stay in a relationship with a guy who may not want to move in together for another couple years, and may never tell you he loves you. Can you live with this?

Whether or not his family used the word "love" isn't the issue. Ask yourself, do you want a relationship, a marriage or a family with a man who will rarely if ever use the word "love". You may think you could try to put up with it now because you think it will be too hard to end a 4 year investment and find someone new and better, but believe me, later on, you will end up resenting him for never telling you the words you so desperately need to hear. And there's nothing wrong with wanting or needing to hear that you're loved by someone you're in an intimate relationship with.

You have to think about what you want from a relationship and honestly think about whether or not he can give that to you. He may not be capable of meeting your emotional needs in a relationship, ever. I know it's extremely painful and difficult. And we all hope they will change because some movie or some friend dated a guy like that who magically changed when given an ultimatum. That's not the rule, it's the exception. And you can't hold up your life on something that may never be. What if you wait 2 more years and he still won't move in together and still won't say he loves you? Are you going to kick yourself for not leaving 2 years before when you first thought of it?

Decide what you want and how long you're willing to wait around to find out. Either way, draw a line in the sand and stick to it for your own value and worth. You are worth more than a man who won't commit and won't tell you after 4 years he loves you. Know your worth and make choices for yourself that uphold your own precious value.

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