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I kissed someone else, and he actually walked in on it…can he forgive me?

Published on April 4, 2012 by acj1074

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. A little over five months ago, we moved across the country together, and moved in together for the first time. At first, everything was great. He has had some depression issues, and in January, I noticed the signs coming. I tried to get him to talk to me, but he wouldn't. Things got worse as he grew more distant, and he would go days without talking to me. I thought maybe he was cheating, but he said no. Things came to a breaking point the other day, when I was upset about something he did, and I was telling my friend, and my friend kissed me, and I kissed him back. It wasn't a peck, we got into it a bit, but that was it. However, my boyfriend walked in on it. He threw me out of our apartment and said he never wants to see me again. When I went back to our apartment to try to talk to him he was throwing all of my stuff out of it. I moved out per his request, but I am not giving up hope yet that he will forgive me and we can fix things. I love him, and still want to marry him, as we had talked about. He had an ex who fooled around over and over again but he forgave her. Can he forgive me?

ANSWERS

I know you don't want to hear this, but ending the relationship might be the best thing that ever happened. Chronically clinically depressed people don't make good long-term partners. You are having a lot of stress in this relationship and you've only been together 2 years. I'm not sure this is a healthy situation.

"Living together" is supposed to be a compatibility test. Does it seem that you're compatible 90% of the time? 50% of the time? Only 25% of the time?

Maybe the test has worked. And you've discovered this relationship won't work.

I feel like it could if he got some help for the depression. He was always so happy when we were talking about getting married and having kids. We're compatible and have a good time together when he is not in those moods...

Probably not. He learned his lesson with his first cheating ex. As far as he is concerned, you are just like her and he doesn't need to waste his time. Maybe you shouldn't share your relationship problems with "friends" that are attracted to you..

Also, it was definitely a mistake coming from my loneliness…I'm not even attracted to my friend...

I know what you mean. The question is whether he's serious about treating the depression. Many men aren't. Do an internet search for "married to a depressed man" to understand the long-term challenges.

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