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I hit him

Published on May 1, 2014 by miss-abusive

Im a petite female, age 20 (2014), and most of my friends said that I have a bubbly, cheerful and fun personality. But they don't know whats underneath me.

I feel horrible. I dont know what's wrong with me. I have been in realtionship with my beloved boyfriend for 3 years.. And these 3 years, theres alot if ups and downs, we fight we argue. I get angry at just little things, my fists balled up to form something that's really hard to leave a big bruise on my boyfriend's arm everythinng we fight. I could really bit him and shout at him, I could even just punch his face without realising anything!! I think I am crazy.. Its like I'm getting crazy over this when I gain consiousness, and see all the bruises that I made on him, I wish its just lovebites from me but no... He never did any move to punch me or even hit me back.. All he would do is hugged me thightly when Im getting out of control.. Theres alot of fights that I hit him. I just cant remember how many times I lay my hand on him, (i dont want to remember). I really couldn't control my anger and I'm only 20, with a small arm.. Im sobbing as I type this as we just had a fight few hours ago and I left the biggest bruise that I have ever lay on him, and his arms was bleeding due to my bites.. I could really be going to jail soon... I have a few friends whom i treat like gold, but when it comes to my boyfriend, i feel threatened. Why? Please somebody, help me. Am I sick? Am I crazy? I'm getting crazy over my own faults. Fault that I cant avoid...

I feel horrible.. What should I do? 3 years for being together but will he leave me soon? Help.