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Give Advice: I Have A Crush On His Best Friend!

Published on September 4, 2012 by febyana

I'm dating a guy, J, for almost two months now, but we are not exclusive. The problem is: I'm starting to have feelings for his best friend, T. J is hotter than T, but i don't care about that. T and i only talked twice, but it feels like we've known eachother for years! I can talk about everthing with T, unlike with J. T is way smarter, funnier and more open than J. I wish I met T before J! Should i tell J that we should stop dating because i like his friend T?And how should i tell it? Should I ask T out for a date? Or is that wrong? I mean, J and i are not serious yet. But if I ask T out, would that make me a skank? I don't know what to do!


Honesty is probably the best here. You aren't a skank for having the feelings you're having. Because you and your guy aren't exclusive, it's probably a good time to be upfront about your feelings for his friend instead of continuing on and feeling conflicted.

One of the Guy 10 Commandments - "The former girlfriend of your buddy is FOREVER off limits to you (even if your buddy says it's OK)"

If T values his friendship with J, he won't want to put the moves on you - the best friend he's had for years is more valuable to him than the possibilities with some girl. If he has to choose, you may well lose. If he would dump his best friend to date you (which he would have to do), that says something bad about his character - dumping your best friend for a girl is getting real close to dumping your wife for another woman. Do you really want that?

If you DO decide to pursue T, do as you would in a divorce - let several months (even a year) pass between ending what you have with J, and starting something with T. If you don't, nobody will ever believe T didn't "steal" you away from J.

I agree with Tan. I wouldn't pursue the other guy. Since you're not that into J, break up with him and look for a guy you're more compatible with. You apparently don't have problems meeting guys, so there will be others guys you can be as attracted to as you are to T. As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You wouldn't want a guy that's dating you to all of a sudden say he wants to date your best friend instead of you, so don't do that to him. You may cause a rift in their friendship if he thinks his friend flirted with you, etc. Karma will come back to bite you in the butt.