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I find my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend as a threat...what to do?

Published on October 14, 2009 by joiya smith

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 months now...his brother and his girlfriend who are engaged have been going out for 2 1/2 years now. My boyfriend has a bad relationship with his soon to be sister-in-law. I think a lot of it stems from his ex being this girl's best friend. But my boyfriend is always telling me how this girl controls his brother, controlling his spending, controlling where he goes (more like he has to always be with her), she likes to lecture him like he's a child (and she also used to try to lecture my man all the time...before me and him got together), she likes to throw fits if things don't go her way, she always likes to tattle to their mom since she's close to their mom, (which I think is childish). This girl is plain and ugly and just weird, strange, hard to understand.

So I don't like this girl... She's already pissed me off twice. I had added her on facebook, and then because she pissed me off and I told her everything that was on my mind, she deleted me and had my boyfriend's brother delete me as well (and she also told my bf's brother to delete my boyfriend).... She had told my boyfriend's brother not to talk to my boyfriend until she got an apology from my boyfriend, and I told her that that is wrong and you don't tell people they can't talk to their own family...

It's become to where I wish her and my boyfriend's brother broke up. I haven't even gotten to know this girl really, and I've only "known" her for 5-6 months now. I feel so bad for my boyfriend's brother, and let me tell you they are twins by the way. They are getting married, and I seriously think this marriage won't last very long. I think this girl will become super controlling when they get married and get their own place.My issues with this girl has gotten so bad at times, that I couldn't even look or think about my boyfriend, cuz I thought about her. This girl affects me in such a negative way even if it's indirectly that I'm scared it might affect my relationship with my boyfriend. I was not wanting to go to his house the other day because of her. This girl brings so much drama to the family, and she is always trying to start drama with my boyfriend... I just want to know why am I feeling these feelings like she's a threat to me, like I want her gone, if that's normal...and if there's anything I can or should do about the situation? (This girl lives with my boyfriend's family by the every time I got to his house, there's a possibility of her being there.)


in plain words......Bitch gota go, it seems she causes not only you stress but your boyfreind aswell as his brother, it sounds to me your broyfreinds brother is under some kind of spell, probably of sex or mabey she puts him down saying he wont find anyone like her or somthing along the lines, thats all i can say really, i havent dealt with this problem before but i have seen it

I hate to be flippant, but this is family. And no matter who you date or who you marry (this guy or someone else) you are going to be in contact with a toxic family member. You have to learn how to deal with it.

You can't get rid of her. That is not your place and frankly its not your business. You have to learn how to draw boundaries and not let her actions affect you. Honestly, while a negative person can hurt you, ultimately, its your choice how her actions affect you. You can't change her or change her connection to the family, so stop trying. The only thing you can control and change is yourself and your reactions. Stop engaging her in arguments. Ignore her. When she says something hurtful, bite your tongue and if you can't bite your tongue walk out of the room.

I have an in-law who does everything he can to make my life miserable. And it kills me sometimes. But I can't change him and its not my place to reprimand him. So I bite my tongue and walk away. I don't engage him and if he pushes me, I know how to tell my husband I need a break and go get some coffee and then come back when I am calmer. I don't complain about him to anyone but my husband and I don't worry about what he says about me behind my back. I've been doing this for 4 years and slowly but surely the family has seen the behavior and now I have allies. When he is rude one of my BILs or my MIL will tell him to stop and it's getting better, we've had some fun times together. We may never be super close. But he's family and I have to accept him and learn how to handle him.

You have to do the same with this girl. And if you can't, you need to leave.

Hi Lindsay, I couldn't help but wonder what happened with this situation? This is going to sound ridiculous, but I am in the exact same situation. I despise my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend. They are actually getting married in a few months, they got engaged in Fall 2010. I was livid when they got engaged because I have hated her for years. She's tried to break us up before, she's gotten involved in our business and I couldn't take it anymore so I told her off and we no longer speak. It's VERY awkward. The thing about it is my boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 years (since we were 14 and now we're both 25). She came into the picture when we were 17ish, and all of the drama went down shortly afterwards. My boyfriend and his brother are ALSO twins, and I feel like she's pitted herself and the brother against myself and my boyfriend. I've also heard from different sources that she cheated on her boyfriend a few times, but it seems to me like her boyfriend might already know the truth but just wants to deny it. I keep hoping that they will call off the wedding, but it doesn't look that way. I'm at the end of my rope, I don't know what to do anymore.

Wow-I'm struggling with a similiar situation and felt so confused as to why I'm experiencing such strong feelings annoyance and anger towards the girfriend of my boyfriend's brother. I'm dating a twin as well and the brothers live together so this girl is always hanging around the house. She's been controlling and moody in her relationship with the brother and they've broken up a dozen times already. I really struggle to make the effort to bond with this girl, we have little to say to each other, the mood is tense, and I'm so sick of consulting the brother when they break up every other week. I just want her gone because she's all wrong for him and brings the morale down. However, I know I have no say in this matter but it eats at me all the same. I just can't understand why I get so fixated about this situation.