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I don't want to mess things further more

Published on April 1, 2014 by myprivacymyrules05

Hey yourtango crew, I'm new to this but I'm getting mixed advices everywhere so I wanted to ask professional guidance. Straight to the point; I'm 18 and male, and I finally had my first real relationship with a girl I consider very special to me. She broke up with me after we dated a couple of months because she felt that we are really different from each other and was afraid that it wouldn't had worked out. We talked about being friends after the break up even when we were still a couple so when she broke up with me she told me we could definitely be friends and with some benefits even, and more importantly she told me that her feelings for me hadn't changed, so I obviously kept hope. However after it happened she took it back and wouldn't let me kiss her or anything else of sort, so I told her I nedded a time off her to get over her so I told her I didn't want any kind of interaction with her for a while (I was planning on only doing it for two weeks) but after a week of watching her reactions like turning her back on me and stuff like that I felt like I was hurting her feelings so I decided to call it off and text her. When I did she changed completely, as if something had happened to her over the week; she answered like she didn't longer care about me and told me that she was happy: "people in my life make me happy" she said, also she started talking about how mature this guy she met was and that he drives (she was constantly saying how inmature I was and I don't even have a license) then she unfriend on facebook, she tried really hard to evade me at school and she keeps doing it. After that I decided to try to move on and give her her space, she just ignores me, I can see that she tries hard to avoid me even after not talking to her for 3 months, when we ran to each other she just stares to the ground and pretends I don't exist and I really don't feel bad or offended by it anymore, I just don't see the point of it anymore, SO here's my question: What do you guys suggest I should do? What is it with her? I think if she had gotten over me she would no longer care about me or if she sees me. Women are too complicated for me still, so I ask for your help. I do have to admit that even though I'm happy and I know I can move on in life and find someone else, I still have strong feelings for her, but I don't want to date her, at least not now. But really want to put a stop to all these awkwardness and maybe if we are friends again there may be hope for us. Thank you for reading, I apologize for that long message. Sincerely -Itsmyprivacymyrules05-


HI Itsmyprivacymyrules05,

I appreciate how confusing women can be and what mixed messages you've received from her. I also accept that you truly can move on and be fine seeing her around.

I accept you'd like to put a stop to the awkwardness. The best way to do this is to apologize. I appreciate you probably don't think you didn't anything wrong and wonder what you would apologize for. It sounds like she does think you did something wrong. And usually when women think men didn't something wrong that 'wrong thing' hurt their feelings. So, if you'd like to change her attitude then say your sorry. Tell her in person or send her an email/text/letter that says you're sorry you hurt her feelings.

Most men, when I give them this advice, explain to me they either didn't hurt their feelings or at least didn't mean to hurt their feelings. So, here's the answer I give to them.

Let's say you were walking across the room and were distracted. And she was sitting in a chair and you accidentally stepped on her foot. What would you say? Of course you'd say you were sorry you stepped on her foot. And of course you didn't mean to step on her foot. You're apologizing for the hurt you inadvertently caused her.Same case. When you apologize for hurting her feelings you're not saying you did it on purpose you're just saying you're sorry what you did caused it to happen.

So, say you sorry to her. It's a very manly thing to do and it will go along way towards her acting less awkward towards to you.

As far as anything more between the two of you that will remain to be seen. Sounds like both of you weren't very clear about what you each wanted and needed from each other and the relationship.

Coach Christine Your Tango Expert

Thank you very much for taking the time to answer the question, I would be happy to follow your advice, however I'm still confused about what I did wrong or in what way did I hurt her, I mean she broke up with me. I think if I apologize without even knowing why will make her more angry and I really want to think this through if I want to go back being friends with her. I explained my whole situation in the previous message, maybe my fault or mistake is in there. I'm sorry for asking for your help again but this is really important to me.I would be extremely greatful if you could again. Sincerely -Myprivacymyrules05-