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I don't understand?

Published on November 27, 2013 by joyss

I've known my ex since we were 12 yrs old, we were always great friends. We are now 30 and had recently reconnected when he found out I was moving back to our home town. I have been living in a different state for quite a few years. About 4 months ago we started talking about catching up and hanging out again when I moved back. Things quickly turned romantic, we had a long distance relationship. It was going smoothly, we had regular phone sex, talked 24/7, it was mutual. I still had reservations about moving so fast as he talked about moving in together.. I was not ready. We both fell in love quite quickly after I decided to let my guard down and give him my all. I trusted him completely and did things I never thought I would do. He had lost a lot of weight since he was big most of his life, he was helping me get in shape. Things were great, we had so much in common and had the same sense of humour and wanted the same things in life. I recently quit my job, sold most of the things I own so I could make the move easier. About 4 weeks ago I flew up to see him to organize everything up there. We had a great weekend, he said he loved me and couldn't wait for me to be there permanently. I came back home and then things went strange. The cute messages stopped, he said he was busy and going through a lot.. Then after a week of him ignoring me, he broke it off via text message and said he wasn't ready for a relationship and the thought of it have him anxiety. After he pushed me to do everything, I thought this was strange. I found out via a friend that he had lost his job just after I left and he was in bad financial trouble..A few hours later I had a miscarriage.. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I told him and all he said was sorry, you'll be ok. Eventually he called to see if I was ok as the miscarriage has made me quite sick. I was gutted, my whole life plan was shattered. How could he do this to me? He said he cares for me but doesn't want anything but a friendship. Half my stuff is still at his house and I'm still grieving for our baby and over the break up.. I trusted him cause I had known him for a long time. He said I have to respect his decision ..How could his feelings change so quickly? I love him so much..What should I do? I don't understand it at all! Is there any hope in salvaging the relationship? Or should I move on.. I'm so confused!

ANSWERS

He's made his decision and you are seeing what kind of man he really is. I know you are in a dark place right now. You have to do what is right for you and right now that is rebuilding your life. I know easier said than done and it will take time. There are some valuable lessons to be learned here that I think will make you a stronger person. Next relationship, take your time to really get to know the guy. If things change, you can forgive him and be friends, but I would be wary of getting back together with him. The question I ask myself concerning my ex-wife is this: why would I put myself through that again? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I wish you the best. It does get better. I find family, friends, religious groups, and community service helps heal these wounds.

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