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I don't know what to do.

Published on April 6, 2014 by beckles123

Hey my names Becky I really really hope this is private but I don't know what to do anymore.

Okay enough rambling I guess. There's this guy lets call him Jake? Anyway we met on a dating site about 17 days ago?

Anyway at first we were talking none stop and planning our date, which never happened because his car broke so he had to get a new one and had to get it ready for the MOT the day of our date, I think he has been under alot of stress with money and worrying about his car so I try to cheer him up as best I can, He's a great guy maybe to good to me maybe thats why I'm worrying and probably just over thinking things as usual, but I remember he stopped talking for 3 days when trying to buy a car because he was under alot of money stress he still talked but it was just the ocasional hey and how you doing ect. and I guess I was just so used to talking constantly I thought he wasnt intrested anymore it was also when I realised I had fallen for him because it was killing me not hearing from him, we havent talked that much since but we have been on skype to each other every other evening? well it varys he works late sometimes to 2am I'm not tired when I'm speaking to him when I'm on cam to him I just get so happy I forget about everything else and its like I get a sudden rush of energy, anyway we have both been tempted to say I love you while on skype he told me he nearly did the other night but he was scared to because he always says it to soon and things seem to go wrong and I confessed that I nearly said it aswell and admited I'm scared on jinxing something bad hapening so we both know how we feel about eachother I think, well Im not sure if he really does love me because well this is the bit that I was hoping would be kept private, (also we havent actualy said I love you to each other yet, I'm not even sure what our relationship is my freind recons he's going to be my boy freind soon and all that but obviousley I havent physicaly met him, but I'm in love with him I know it sounds stupid and I know it could just be infatuated and not love, but I love everything about him, his personality, his reclessness, his carefullness, his inteligence, how ambitous he is and well I don't think theres anything I dont like about him apart from how he barely speaks when stressed)anyway I cant tell anyone this because I know they will freak out, he knows I have never had sex and my best freind has warned him to not put me under any presure to have sex, but he was feeling sad and I really wanted to cheer him up and he said if I showed him my boddy it would keep him happy for days so I showed him myself naked... I feel like a right whore admiting it but thats not even the worst part I let him talk me into well fingering myself on cam to him which I have never done before let alone on cam so he just told me what to do and at first I was really nervous and embarassed but eventualy it was like okay he's seen just get this over with, make him happy, do what he tells you 2, just make him happy. in the moment I partialy shut off, and we have spoken since but not properly, (this was about 3 nights ago now) he said if he wasnt to tired then he would go on skype to me last night but he went out with his mates and send me a message saying he was drunk at about 1am by which time I had fallen asleep waiting for him. but I do love him still and in a way I'm glad if he's used me because he's not used me for phyical sex technicaly anyway I know he is stressed because his car is in the garrage and he might not get it back till monday (tomorow) and he took it in on friday I know hes done this before getting stressed and stoped talking but I can't think of anyone else and I'm going out of my mind and having to fight back tears I dont want to be a swinging door not again I cant handle that again but he is all I think about, it doesnt matter what I do, weather its swimming, exersizing, hanging with freinds, talking to family, listening to music, writing, playing guitar, video games nothing can take my mind of him and its killing me inside, we both have some mental health isues and we are both aware of them, he has insomia, autism, anger managment and dislezsia, and I suffer from PTSD, he knows Im on meds and somtimes makes sure Ive had them ect. and he said if I ever felt like ending my life to tell him or my freind and he would come straight down to where i live wich is an hour drive away from where he is but obviousley he cant at the moment because of his car and the fact that we havent even been abel to have our first date yet, and I don't think I can tell him that he's hurting me because just a message from him saying hi makes me happy but then he will take forever to reply seriousley he just sent me a message saying hi so i said heya and in the moment I thought about not sending this question because of how happy I fealt when I got his "Hi" but now I'm sad again because he hasnt responded and the amount of times I will be super sad abut him then reveive a message from him and in the moment my eyes light up and I'm over joyed but then I end up throwing my tablet or phone on my bed with frustration confusion and sadness, I don't know whats best to do should I nip it in the bud before I fall for him even more? or risk him taking my v card then just making me feel like a whore like im feeling right now its not like hes called me one its just how hes acting is making me feel like one, but it is early days still should I wait untill we have actualy met? then decide what do I do because my heart is breaking and I feel so alone, I promiced myself I would not fall in love again so easily after the last guy messed me about (my first love for 4 years) he was part of the reason I ended up in a mental hospital, well Ive been in a few but that was last year and its to late to turn of my feeling for this guy now, I remember feeling so scared when I was getting closer to him and now I know why, maybe me and love just doesnt mix, I've had a few guys flirting with me (one an ex) who wanted to get back in touch with me but I told him that I would love to talk to him if he could pretend we never dated just because I was seeing this really nice guy and just wanted to be freinds with him he saw my reply and never messaged me after that, I don't want to say no more to this guy because of how much I feel for him, and he has said a few little hints that he would like to be more like when I said maybe if we get serious I would tell my family about him and he replied "If? :(" he also admited he had a dream where he poped the question to me, so considering the fact he might actualy love me makes it hurt even more, but I just don't know if I can take this heart ache anymore

ANSWERS

Dear beckles123,

It sounds like you have an incredibly big heart that is able to easily let love in. However, if you've never met the guy, how can you honestly 100% love him? in 17 days you don't even know him. If he really loved you he wouldn't allow you to compromise your chastity for him.

Second, it is very dangerous to do skype sex and text naked pictures with someone you've never met. It's dangerous even with people you have met. You have no idea what he's doing with this footage/pics, he may be showing it to friends or putting it online somewhere. If you are a virgin, I know the temptation to give it up for someone you're in love with is extremely tempting, but again, it's only been 17 days. It's okay to feel strongly and love his personality, but you haven't even met him in person, you don't know 100% that everything he's told you is the truth because you haven't been able to verify it in person.

This is very scary and very suspicious. Sounds like he's using you and praying on your innocence to get what he wants. You will be sorry you gave it up to him if you're not smart. Continue to wait. If he REALLY loves you, he'll wait. You are worth the wait and sex is definitely worth the wait.

It sounds like you are obsessed with this guy and I would strongly recommend a book called "Women who love too much". It is unhealthy to be this obsessed over someone you haven't even met, and are already compromising your virtue electronically for someone who can't make a date in 17 days. If it only took 3 days to buy a new car what's his excuse for the other 14?

Sounds very suspicious and I would listen to your friend who is telling you to wait. Get the book I suggested and please, please wait til you even meet the guy in person before you even consider cashing in your v-card. It's very precious and you only get that first time experience once. If you've waited this long, it clearly means something special to you. Consider looking into why you're so obsessed over someone you haven't even met yet. This can be very dangerous and very unhealthy. It's already causing you to do things you weren't comfortable doing.

I guess your I probably don't I'm more likley just infatuated with him, and I guess maybe I just well I dont know I guess that the worst part, and we had one aranged but it had to be canceld and I decided not to bring it up because of how stressed he has been over money so we didnt bring it up, I do know of the issues and things I feel like a hipocrite because my freinds used to do it to random blokes and I used to tell them off because I didnt want them to be put in danger, so yeah I guess I'm just lossed

Also he asured me that his computer was safeley protecting and a alram would go off if someone tried to hack it and I didnt send any naked pics but I guess he could easily have taken one over skype couldnt he I will look into that book btw

Becky, as a Your Tango Expert who is a mental health professional, you started out your question with an important point. Unfortunately, however, this is not a private site but rather a public forum on the internet. As such, if you are concerned about your privacy, I would encourage you to seek out local professionals where this will be protected.

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