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I don't know what to think.

Published on May 5, 2010 by caldermale

I met my partner 2 and a half years ago. We got on like a house on fire, laughing, joking, talking. We were very affectionate towards each other and hated being apart. About 8 months into the relationship, her brother (whom she was renting her home from) decided that he wanted to sell the house because he had financial problems. My partner has moved a lot previously because of two broken marriages and this time she was hoping to settle down for good. I was practically living there anyway at this point and things were going great so we decided to buy the house from him. During the buying process I could tell she had some worries about the whole thing but when we talked about it she said it was just a big step and that she was just nervous. I can appreciate that. The problem is that immediately after we bought the house, things changed. She suddenly began to find all kinds of faults with me that she had never mentioned before. I couldn't understand this and tried to ask her what the problem was but she wouldn't talk to me about it. Things gradually got worse and we ended up spending more time arguing than anything else. Eventually we came to a point where we were starting to hate each other and she finally broke and told me that she resents me for "trapping" her. She feels that her brother and I backed her into a corner and decided her life for her. I was stunned.

Things continued to get worse and I have asked her on several occasions if she would like to call it a day but she always says no. I have told her that she can't spend the rest of her life beating me up over what happened. She says that she is over that now and it's all the arguing that we did that she can't get past now. I have tried everything I can to try and make her happy again but she is just so over-defensive and so unforgiving of people. One time I was drilling a hole in the wall and the wall was hollow and my drill punctured a bigger hole. I laughed and said I would patch it up with filler but she stressed really badly. She almost dumped me over it. I thought it was just a silly accident. When we had new carpets fitted I had to take the old carpets up and the house looks a mess with just bare floor. It was only for a couple of days until the new carpets came but she started crying and she almost dumped me then too.

It just seems that anything even slightly stressful come along and she wants to end everything. Then later when it's been sorted she is fine again....until the next thing. Things are just not the same anymore. We don't laugh and joke like we used to. It feels like everything I do makes her annoyed. We haven't had sex in over a year and yet when I ask if she wants to end it she always says everything is fine. To me it's quite clearly NOT fine???

I just don't understand any of this? I am sorry this is a jumbled up explanation but that's how it feels for me. I can't decide what the problem is or where we stand and I just can't get anything out of her because she won't open up to me?

Is she trying to tell me something? I have tried asking her if she wants a break but she always says no. But then she doesn't bother with me like two people do in a normal relationship. She says it's just me complaining but none of this seems normal to me. She keeps telling me that she is incapable of love but what we have is enough for her. How can it be? It's not much more than nothing at all.

Any Ideas? Thank you


First red flag, you cannot do anything right....get out! second red flag, no sex for a year!!! PLEASE! You are one heck of a man, She needs to appreciate you more and stop trying to make problems where there are none... I would get out and try to find true love with a more stable who understands and appreciatesyou more. good luck!

Awwww.....You are such a good man for reaching out for advice. I can tell that you care because you did so. Kudos to you! :-D First off, if she has told you she feels that way she's probably telling the truth. Try sitting down and asking her what she wants and what you can do to help her get it. And let her lead the way for awhile. If she gets upset while you let her make her OWN decisions, then you will have to find ways to protect yourself too. By letting a guard down and showing her that you care that much to me says more than "I Love You." She needs to quit all that crying and complaining and hold on tight to you. Men like you do NOT come a dime a dozen. The only time I would be crying is from joy with a man who even takes the INITIATIVE to fix something for me!! lmao Good luck!

Thank you both for taking the time to answer my question. Both answers made sense in different ways and were very helpful. Also, thank you both for the very kind comments about me. It shows me that there are really nice, decent and loving people out there. It would be fantastic if I had someone like the two of you. I wish you both wonderful things.

I guess I have a lot of soul searching to do :)