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I can not reach orgasim with my husband

Published on April 27, 2013 by heyjulie

I'm 49 and have never had an orgasm with my husband. I can have them easily when I masturbate.

At this point I am so frustrated that it's not worth having sex at all. I'd rather just take care of myself. Are there any other women having this problem?


Something on the order of 70% of all women are unable to achieve orgasm from intercourse alone, so please don't hold that against your husband if that is your complaint. My wife is among that 70% and I get her off manually or orally - she has had no complaints during our 22 years of marriage.

Try having him masturbate you the same way you do yourself, or have him go down on you, or use your favorite toys on you. Communication is the key - let him know what feels good to you, and praise the daylights out of him when he does them.

If he refuses to do any of these things, or if you can't get off when he does things that normally get you off when you do them yourself, please see a counselor - since there would seem to be other issues (possibly resntment) at play here.

As a man I know friends who think like you but they are considered "selfish" and narcissistic when they say they'd rather just jump on top of the women and get their thrills and go to sleep right afterwards...LOL. From human to human I think I would be concerned when anyone would rather have sex with THEMSELVES and are so "Frustrated at this point". I think mood swings have a big part here and trust me when I say this " I don't think all women have Bipolar" because even if we men use that characterization of women it doesn't mean that we're not being a jerk or that it is true. I agree with the previous advise that you may want to get counseling because feeling "SEXY" is internal, also feeling "DEPRESSED" while your frustrated is internal. So its not the man who should be blamed or have animosity transferred to him like he can't please you if you in fact are hard to please...No Disrespect. I say that to say that it may be hard to give thanks that you have a husband who has tried without success, and given you have DECIDED to give up he is not in the loop and it could be an estrogen problem, mood swings, un-forgiveness, or you have yet to SEE THE GOOD in what sex you do have together. In closing, Faking orgasms have been a long standing tradition with women- but that should not diminish a sexual relationship with your husband, If you do want another 20 years of marriage I suggest you get counseling and re-focus on all the things you initially feel in love with him for in the beginning. please know he wont be shocked that you had been lying telling him you cam or (had an orgasm) he is a guy and we are used to women telling us lies, but there could be a hormonal change or something psychological or imbalance that is of great concern here. He should have the right to know how he can support you thru this process instead of you acting like he is not good enough and that sometimes translates which is destructive.