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husband having an affair

Published on September 7, 2010 by thewife

my husband of 33 years has filed for a divorce.again..thiss is the 5th time since 1999..we have not been seperated...he continues to deny any other woman..very obvious that there is...he hides his cell phone..stays gone for days with no explaination of where he has been or with who...always says "it's a secret". i don't want a divorce. He claims not to want either yet ran to attorney again..won't make repairs at our house..controls all the money..is mean and hateful and curses and calls me names wven when i am praying out loud for us with his permission...he told my 16 yr old son that he does not have to go to church with me if he doesn't want to...family is being destroyed and he doesn't seem to care at all...what do i do? I want to know the truth ..who is he involved with?

ANSWERS

Hello, thewife (my sister in Christ), you have quite a situation that you're facing but it's not to hard for God. In the book of Jeremiah 32:17 it says, "Ah Lord God! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee."

I would never as a servant of God tell anyone to leave their spouse ( however if there is physical abuse going on God doesn't want us to remain in such situations). As a woman of God you have to know what God is speaking to you about your situation and what is upon your heart to do. Many times the answer to our questions and dilemmas are given to us as a result of the PEACE that we have in the decision that we choose. Your final answers will always be a two-fold answer that is exemplified by the witness of the word and the witness of PEACE in your spirit and heart.

THE WORD--"And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy." 1 Corinthians 7:12-13 What this simply means is if your spouse wants to live with you even though they don't believe or they are not living as a believer, don't leave them. For your godly lifestyle can possibly have an influence on your spouse and bring them over to a Christian life and cause them to want to live for God as a result of your godly life in their midst.

THE WORD--"But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thous shalt save thy wife?" 1 Corinthians 7:15-16 In other words if a husband or wife wants to go let them go, God has not called you to be bound by a decision that your spouse has made. Because you don't know whether or not your spouse will ever be saved and surrender to Christ. But you have to have peace in your spirit about the decision that you're making. God is not for divorces but a person has a free will and can choose to do what they want to do.

Also, know that if he is doing these things God is giving him space to repent and get it right but God will not give him space forever. As a woman of God you have to put it before the Lord and leave it there. Now you must begin to fight for your marriage if you want to remain in it. How do you do that, through prayer and also through how you see your husband in your eyes. Don't see him as he is but see him as you know that God would want him to be. Don't see him as a chump but see him as a champ. Don't tell him how bad he is but tell him how good he is as you begin to see him through they eyes of God in what he can become. Whatever little or big thing he do around the house comment on that. If he does anything good speak on it. If he takes out the trash say somehting good about that, "Honey thank you for taking out that trash." The Bible says, "Be not overcome of evil, (don't let evil overcome you) but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21 Give him what he needs as a man, study your husband, his likes and dislikes, his weakness and strengths, his moods and mannerism, and give him what he needs and likes. Shower him with love and show him how God would treat him through you. "You are the light of the world, you are the salt of the earth."

When he gives you some money thank him and tell him how much of a good provider he is. If you can't pray around him or when he is around don't worry, pray whenever he is not around but by all means pray for that is your life line. Your husband telling your son that he doesn't have to go to church with you if he doesn't want to is absolutely true, he has his own mind and will and God will not make him go to church with you. Also know that in the midst of this God is also working out some things in you and conforming you to the image of Christ. And "Beloved, think it not strange concerning the firey trials which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, (begin to praise God in the midst of it all, for when the praises go up the blessings come down) inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's suffering; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye maybe glad with exceeding joy." 1 Peter 4:12-13

Put your son in God's hand and your entire family and keep "casting all your care upon him, for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7, Philippians 4:6--8 We will keep you in our prayers and if you need further assistance let us hear from you.

I don't think it really matters who he is involved with. He is not treating you with the love a husband owes a wife. Do you have anyone from your church or a male relative who can talk to him? You need to get counseling on how to respond when he is hateful. The two of you need to get counseling together, but until you can do that, you should get help for yourself on how to deal with him.

I think you need to protect yourself and your children financially by seeing a lawyer and making sure you have money. A loving husband shares his money with his wife and makes decisions together. Even if he is the authority in your family, I think he should be asking your opinion and letting you know what is going on. And of course he shouldn't be spending the money on other women.

THEWIFE~

Hi, this is Cindy replying. I have a good verse to quote for you, from the Amplified Bible. In that version the words are amplified with synonyms so you can more clearly understand what the meaning of the Hebrew words are. The verses are Malachi 2:13-16:

 13 And this you do with double guilt; you cover the altar of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives], and with [your own] weeping and crying out because the Lord does not regard your offering any more or accept it with favor at your hand.

 14 Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows].

 15 And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.

 16 For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].

I'm not here to preach at anyone or try to force my beliefs on another person so I hope you don't take it that way. One thing I did notice though is that lots of times people use the first part of verse 16 as proof that God hates divorce (and He does!)...but they almost ignore verses 14-15 and even the end of verse 16!! Those verses are pretty clear that the reason God is upset and hates divorce is because one spouse dealt treacherously and faithlessly with the other spouse and broke the covenant that they made right in front of God! He even says in verse 16 that he hates divorce AND HIM WHO COVER HIS GARMENT (his wife) WITH VIOLENCE!

God hates it when our spouse treats us treacherously, unfaithfully, emotionally and verbally abusively!!

So I would recommend that you take a look at an article on our website: http://affaircare.com/Articles/7StepstoTake.htm. This article gives you seven steps you can take to end the affair, but in your case I think that even more may be necessary. Before we can begin ending the adultery and restoring your marriage, I think you may need to learn how to protect yourself from a spouse who's harming you -AND- learn how to allow your spouse to experience the natural consequences of his choices. When King David was unfaithful and committed adultery, he repented and God very much so did forgive him...but God still allowed David to experience the consequences of that choice (the most immediate was losing the baby), so we can see that it's the loving thing to do to let someone experience the consequence of their choices.

If you'd like me to help you do that, I'd be happy to help! My email is coachcj@affaircare.com

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