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Husband had affair!

Published on August 22, 2014 by pal03

My husband and I have been married for 21 years and he has had affair #2 first one was 15 yrs ago and I took him back and forgave him! After me finding out about this one he says he wants a divorce! I love him and want our marriage to work! I get mixed emotions from him! We live in same house still! Since I found out about affair 2 mo ago we have had more sex in past 2 mo than what we have had In The past year of our marriage! He is now sleeping back in our bed, we go to dinner on weekends together and he in invites me to movies etc! But he doesn't wear his wedding ring anymore, he doesn't tell me he loves me and doesn't kiss me anymore! Should I just give him his space and keep living our lives like this in hopes that he turns around? We have to sell our home In order to both move out but he has not done anything to try to get our home ready to be put on the market! He won't communicate and I feel like my life and emotions are in limbo! Any advice?


Dear Limbo, When our spouses are unfaithful and have multiple affairs we often wonder how we will ever heal and if we can ever trust our spouse again. The pain can be unbearable and we are torn and conflicted by feelings of wanting to kick the cheater to the curb and doing absolutely anything to save the relationship. The good news is that affairs end. They really do. And just like your husband’s affair ended 15 years ago, this affair will end as well. Relationships that have their roots in polluted soil, never grow into healthy relationships. Here is more good news, your husband can change, you can grow and your relationship can be better than it has been in 21 years. The path to this end is not creating more space. You don’t need space from your husband you need connection. Instead of being in limbo, make the decision that you are going to be resolved to save your marriage. Continue to relate to him in love and be patient. Work on your own shortcomings and let him know that you are committed to him and the marriage. Don’t do anything to further the divorce. If the home is not ready to be put on the market, then it can’t be put on the market. Consistently hold out an olive branch and a bridge. You are waiting for his inappropriate relationship to end, and when it does you will be poised for reconciliation.