YOUR VOTE0 0
How to Tell Him
There's a guy in my life who's been my best friend for about two and a half years. We met in our second year of college at a play audition (and, no, he's not gay) and just hit it off. My immediate worry was that he was completely out of my league, so I never really thought there was a possibility of anything romantic, though I was very attracted to him--more than I've ever been to anyone before, actually. I initiated group hangouts a lot and always invited him, thinking that even though there was no chance of anything happening, he would be a cool guy to be friends with. As time passed, we realized how much we had in common, and eventually we started hanging out just the two of us. Soon after, we started spending a lot of time together, staying up past 4 a.m. on a regular basis just talking about anything and everything. Except relationships. I’ve never had a boyfriend, so I don’t have any experience to speak of, and he used to have a serious girlfriend, but he never really talks about her. Most of our conversations are about books, movies, philosophy, psychology, religion, etc. We both pride ourselves on being smart and funny people, and we don’t really have a dynamic where we touch each other or get physical--ever. Also, neither one of us are big drinkers so any chance of a drunken confession is basically an impossibility. He tells me on a regular basis how important I am to him (though never using the word “love,” and I follow his lead on that) and how close he feels to me. We see each other almost every day, and we know each other’s best and worst qualities. The only problem is that I’m really attracted to him. I thought it would go away faster because I thought he was so far out of my league, but that hasn’t been the case. Lately, it’s been getting so hard to see him and stop myself from kissing him. At this point, I just feel guilty because I feel like I’m getting so much more out of our relationship than he is. I want to tell him how I feel, but not in a way that places any burden on him to feel the same way. I think our friendship is strong enough to continue even if it’s an awkward conversation, and I’ve basically settled with the idea that he doesn’t feel the same way about me, so really he can’t hurt me more than I’ve already tortured myself. I really just want to tell him to try to clear the air because I feel like I’m constantly lying to the person who matters most to me in the world. So, in short, my question is: how do I tell him without terrifying him into running away?