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How to deal with his ex and jealosy

Published on September 1, 2013 by whyisit1234

I have been dating this guy for ten months now, he has yet to make it official due to various reasons on his part however in all ways I am his girlfriend just without the title.

However, besides my irritation to him not having asked me yet, I am constantly trying to get over my insecurities i have regarding his ex. Their story is they were off and on for about 3 years, just 4 months before we started dating they had decided to end it completely , however they remained friends. I have just gotten out of a relationship where i was cheated on so finding out that he was still friends with her was hard for me in the initial stages of our relationship. No matter how much i express my distain for their relationship, he will not give her up. She was his first love and she helped save his life many a time so he tells me that she is now family to him. I have tried to be understanding, but since he always describes her as this wonderful amazing person, this pedestal he puts her on makes me uncomfortable because she broke up with him. I have not met her or had contact with her being that they seldomly see each other but she will call him when she's going through tough times because she claims he is the only one who will help her. She has told him that she will not contact him because she respects our relationship but she always returns. I think that what bothers me the most is that i feel like he always chooses her over me because he knows how i feel about it, but he continues to do it anyway. However with me, because early in the relationship I mentioned that alot of my male friends always developed crushes on me and because I hung out with my male friends during one of our many breaks he always makes with us, he wants me to always tell him who i am texting when it comes to guys, and there are certain guys who he does not like me messaging. He does the same on his part because he wants us both to be truthful ( however, i dont feel this is neccesary because i dont care who he is texting)We both also do not have any social media sites in order to "build trust" according to him because he claims he does not have it in me because i cant keep my word regarding small things E.I. (saying i'm going to watch a movie with him, or wearing face makeup) Overall , i'm tired of having to deal with the jealousy i have towards his ex when he clearly wont give her up and her i am complying with his commands. I just have no clue how to relay this to him at this point because i have already stated this to him many times. I also want to stop being jealous of her, but i dont know how. I know he loves me, we spend all our time together and he cares for me in a way no one else has, we just have different views on issues and it annoys me to the core.

ANSWERS

Dear Whyisit1234,

That is a tough situation. Of course you are really frustrated about it! What botheres me the most in what you describe as your relationship, is that everything comes from your side. You relationship should be build on trust, Mutual respects and the love he should be having for only you. I don't say that exes can't be friends with eacother, (although I'm kinda cynical about it) but judging from me he cares a little too much about his ex and too little about you. You are young, you are free, and as you say yourself, you can have ten boyfriends if you wanted to! But you don't. You see your "boyfriend" as the only one for now. But you are jealous. Ofcourse you're jealous. I haven't got the least bit of respect for his ex girlfriend an neither should you. She is well aware that you and him are in a relationship now (or sort of) and she needs to back the fuck up. I know that I should be telling you to talk it out with your boyfriend and his ex girlfriend, so you can tell them both how you feel about this whole situation. But that is not what I would do. I would confront him with him. Making him choose. Sure, they can be friends, whatever. But if he chooses to help her and to be there for her more than he does for you, you must understand that you will come as second place in your triangle of love. And is that something you want to be? Second place? No, right? As I said, you are young and free and there are lots of other guys who developed crushes on you. For them, you will be number one. So, You can choose either trying to talk it out with them both or confronting him about it, letting him choose between her and you, of you can leave him and go look for other boys. I'm sure that if you do that, he will see what he has done and hopefully he will change something about it.

But still, I'd tell his ex to back the fuck up and him to go fuck himself. Good luck though! I hope I have been some help to you.

Kind regards,

Rapunzel.

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