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How to control my anger?

Published on March 19, 2013 by breanna123

My boyfriend and I have been having some troubles, no matter what I always yell and freak out on him. I never believe anything he says, even though mostly the time he's telling the truth. This has become a problem because even if he forgets to call me I will cause a huge problem over it, I literally start fights over nothing. I want to change this for myself and him cause he doesn't deserve that, I have no idea what to do, our relationship is in trouble because of this.


Breanna123, there are a few good things about this. One, you realize it’s a problem. Two, you are willing to take responsibility for your part. Three, you want to change. Four, you haven’t said he has given up on you.

If you haven’t already, the first thing you could do is talk it over with your boyfriend and tell him you understand this behavior isn’t helping your situation and you are committed to doing something about it. Then ask for his help and support. See if he is willing to stick with you until you can make the needed changes.

Next you need to identify the source of the problem. Have you ever had this experience with anyone else—friend or family? Or has anyone in your family exhibited the same behavior and you are taking on their behavior because it’s familiar to you?

Next time it happens, sit down by yourself and ask yourself honestly why you had the reaction you did. When the first reason surfaces, ask yourself why that reason is true—keep asking the why question as far into the process as you can until you come up with the underlying cause of the problem. It might take a few times to figure it out. Be patient with yourself.

This could be a hard one to solve on your own. Seek some counseling if you need help. You’ll need to monitor your behavior, make a commitment to change it and be gentle with yourself over time. It’s basically a habit that you want to change. Once you understand the reason it happens, you can reason with yourself, plan a better reaction in advance and when you feel it coming on, be quick to replace the old habitual reaction with better behavior.

If you’re not quick enough, it’s okay—you can still catch yourself after it’s already started. Say, “Wait—I didn’t mean that—what I meant was……” and bring out your new better behavior. Much luck with this!

You need to bite your tongue on a sharp response and count to 10 (or 100). Or you need to simply leave the room and get away from him if you feel yourself beginning to lose your temper on him. As you are now, you are not ready for a relationship until you have some better control over your emotional stability.