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How should I be acting towards my wife at this stage of this lousy game?

Published on November 2, 2010 by disbelief2010

About 5 weeks ago my wife revealed she had a EA/PA, 2 weeks later she finally adnitted it was with my best friend. She has been exhibiting the withdrawal signs since the reveal as well as taking steps to protect herself (hoarding, clothes in car extra ATM withdrawal). We are seeing councillors, couplles and individual. Last thursday we saw both, while all the kids were outside playing I blew up all my anger came out I addressed everything. Later i told her we would only talk about the affair at the councillor. Friday she got mad when she took the kids to the mall it was late I called that got her upset, i pointed out a year ago this would not have been a problem and was not out of charecter for me. I have completly backed off done the 180 things, not pursuing gone out with friends. Taking care of things that used to annoy her. She is speaking in a normal tone of voice she has now twice asked me if I needed to talk vs me asking her. I have given her a few compliments obsevational not lovey dovey. A change for her is she works nights and last week she was going to her sisters after work yesterday and today home at the time she would have been a year ago. I am still cautious and suspicious. I know the other spouse of the other man which helps to keep them in check. There still appears to be no contact. She was "never the type" but now I worry she may have pushed so far to want to go find a new affair or my imagination is going to far. I am reading alot including the Divorce Busting/ and remedy books. We were suppossed to do a seperation plan to bring to the councillor Thursday she has not mentioned it. About 300 of the ATM she took out she put in our cash can over the weekend. She is establishing longer eye contact. On Sunday instead of texting me a question from bed (norm in the past) she came back downstairs to ask me a question. Are thes the little changes I am suppossed to notice. She is the mother of my children I believe the last 4-5 weeks she was coming down off the high when th OM established no contact, he and I have talked, how messed up is that, we were friends for 20 years, more councilling, I am trying to be her friend and avoid conflict for a while we were friends before we ever dated anyway. Other things, I put it out there I said if you need to leave go, and that I will not live forever wondering if you are coming back. She said she could not find an apartment I said I can find something on craigslist in 5 minutes she yelled that she didn't want me too. I informed her not to worry about house stuff i would prepare to live as a single Dad. I am the Primary caregiver. I about two weeks ago after discussion said well we might as well divorce then her= big sigh head drop slouch etc. I have also made it very clear that I want to work to fix this all the old problems that made her feel she needed to go outside the marriage. i also have reminded her in allregards it took two and she never directly said she was unhappy. I think that covers it any input would be great. Thanks