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How to Resume Communication After a Battle That Spurs Both Partners to Go Incommunicado

Published on September 1, 2010 by joshbriggs

My partner and I recently sparred in a telephone argument that, unfortunately, jarringly concluded when she abruptly terminated the telephone connection (a.k.a.: "hung up on me"), when I insisted we finalize the conversation on a "high note" and resolve our differences before retiring for the evening.

Resultingly, we have both been incommunicado for a week, with neither partner resuming voice communication, nor reaching out to the other with any other symbolic or tangible action.

I strongly believe that further elongation of this stretch of mutual alienation will only incur further festering of the wound and only foster further deterioration of our esteem toward one another.

At this juncture, however, as eager as I may be to re-ignite communication, stimulate a healing process and end this needless, wasteful, counter-productive stalemate of mutual estrangement, I fear that my outreach efforts would be perceived as weakness, validate her strategy of spontaneously hanging up on any conversation that doesn't accomodate her sensibilities, and serve to teach her that the "silent treatment" will always pummel me into submission.

Most importantly, as you may know, per the "rules of male/female attraction", rewarding her bad behavior will only diminish her attraction for me and inevitably lower her interest level in the relationship, thus rendering "more harm than good" and further endangering our relationship!

MY QUESTION:

Is there any strategic, nuanced, or otherwise skillfully effective method to re-ignite communication that will neither validate her unfortunate behavior, nor embolden her to employ this destructive approach in the future, and will preserve if not INCREASE her attraction towards me and interest levels in the relationship???

ANSWERS

How old are you? 6? Put your ego aside and just reach out. She is not a child who needs to learn a lesson nor are you her teacher, you are just 2 people who care about each other and want to be together...I assume. You don't punish people in a relationship, you connect, communicate and create a win/win situation. If you care about her, reach out and just say how silly you both have been and act like civil adults.

No Rules?

Forgive me for saying so, but, how woefully WRONG you are!

You clearly haven't comprehensively "done your homework" and have failed to avail yourself of much of the ample, abundant, copious literature on the topic, which, in virtual unanimity, dictates otherwise!

Moreover, oftentimes, even those who are hardly relationship savants are acutely aware of some essential rudiments of relationship mechanics, or, put another way, the "rules of attraction". Herewith, three of the most elementary:

(1) The "push/pull" nature of male-female dynamics.

(2) That "ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE" that we can stimulate through logical reasoning or reasoned persuasion.

(3) Interest levels in relationships are raised and lowered, NOT through supplication and capitulation, or by playing "therapy partner" but through positive and beguiling behaviors that trigger attraction. Throwing oneself under the bus of boorish, selfish, mean-spirited, juvenile or otherwise bad behavior is hardly a recipe for accentuating attraction.

** You said--> "How old are you? 6? "

Speaking of creating win/win situations, how does mockery and ridicule of your readership constitute creation of a win/win dynamic?

Your response is particularly peculiar and inappropriate given the thoughtful, respectful, balanced and considerate construction of my question.

The only six-year-old element of my inquiry emanated from your insulting response to what was obviously intended and carefully worded as a well-meaning, constructive, good-faith question.

Your response only serves to glaringly convince me that you failed to even conscientiously read my question and meaningfully weigh each of the notions suggested therein.

Your formulaic, cookie-cutter, assembly line, "one-size-fits-all" and oddly unresponsive answer seeds the suspicion that these responses are supplied by some "random-response" generator and NOT an analytic human interlocutor.

Needless to say, it's sad to see that the so-called "ProConnect" would besmirch it's readers with such insubstantive answers that are, at turns, dismissive, insulting, unresponsive, generic, empty and undistinguished.

Perhaps a warning label for your patrons would be in order; a disclaimer that good-natured relationship questions involving delicate, deeply-felt and profoundly important relationship dynamics are always met with remarks that are cuttingly cavalier and pooh-poohed with imprecision and throwaway fortune cookie thoughtlessness.

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