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How many times is too many?

Published on May 29, 2014 by jw65

Wife of 26 years had a three year affair. How many times they had sex is burning in my mind. She says probably 50 or so, but can't remember. Well my question is how many times are too many times for me to be able to forgive?


Understandably you want to know the details of the affair, but that won't help you. There will always be more details that you will want to sift through to avoid the pain of betrayal. Three years is a long time. I'd be asking questions like, "Did she tell me voluntarily because she couldn't stand to have a secret anymore or did I catch her." The real question is will you ever be able to trust her again. Your heart knows the answer. Ask yourself honestly and take time to quietly listen for the answer. Fear of change will try to creep in, causing you to obsess about the details and rationalize her behavior, but the answer from your heart will be full of conviction, so don't make any decision until you get the clear, unmitigated answer that you need to move forward in confidence.

One is too many. Your wife lied and snuck around for THREE YEARS. It doesn't matter how many times they had sex. The fact is, she kept going back for more knowing full well she was risking your marriage. How can you ever trust her again? I wouldn't. Everytime I went near her I'd think about where she's been, and everytime she leaves the house, you'll be thinking about where is she this time? When you take back a cheater, you imprison yourself with questions and doubt. The cheater then goes on with their life having gotten away with cheating. Not very fair is it? When she had the affair, the relationship was over as you knew it.