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how long do you wait after the death of spouse to date

Published on October 4, 2010 by gvan7

my husband of 22 yrs passed away 14 months ago. we had a great relationship. he was 15 yrs older than me and told me that i should find another love. so why do i feel guilty about dating, i have met someone who i feel very good with but than when i get home i start thinking about my husband and get very emontional so why when im with my new friend do i forget about ny husband? will these up and down feelings go away

ANSWERS

I don't think there's a set time before beginning to date again. I believe 12 months has been considered the standard grieving time.

It's wonderful that you've met someone else that you feel comfortable with. Don't be so hard on yourself if you're still feeling emotional.

22 years with someone can't just be turned off overnight. Give yourself time to ease into this new relationship and slowly heal emotionally from the death of your husband.

There is no reason to feel guilty, you're not cheating. You're moving on with your life just like your late husband wanted you to.

It sounds as though you had a great marriage to your husband and I am sure you miss him deeply. I think it is wonderful that you had healthy enough communication that you had a discussion about what you each wanted for the other if one of you passed away. Many married couples never have such a discussion. He obviously didn't want you to feel lonely and wanted you to have another healthy relationship in your life. Basically, he gave you his blessing to move on and enjoy your life. I don't know if you have children or not and you are concerned about their views on you dating and possibly getting married again. But, if you are feeling a need to build a new relationship in your life I believe that is the sign that you are ready. You have not rushed and you have been very respectful to your husband of 22 years. You will never forget all your great memories and you shouldn't attempt to forget them. Those 22 years were a precious part of your life and enjoying those memories are wonderful and they will always be there. Maybe it is time to begin building new memories and moving forward guilt free to pursue a new happy relationship just as your late husband wanted.

You don't "forget" your late husband necessarily when you are with your new friend, but you are enjoying your new relationship and the interaction you have with him. That is perfectly normal and yes the roller coaster ride will smooth out over time. Enjoy your memories, but also enjoy your life today. You can do it! Blessings!

don't feel guilty you loved your husband and you took care of him be happy with this new man. smile

You are still in love with your husband,give yourself time, you all were married and in love for some years. It's going to take some time to accept he's with GOD now,the love you all had was very strong and it's hard to get over that type of love. Those up and down feelings are there because you are still holding on to those emotional feelings that you have for your husband. When you are with your friend you don't have time to think,he keep your mind off your husband,that's a good thing. Your husband is probably happy you are talking to someone,he wouldn't want you to be alone the rest of your life,you will see him again. Embrace life and live,pray and eat,(smile)! GOD BLESS YOU!

I lost my husband of 18 years to cancer, and we talked about this before he died. He said while he would love for me to never marry again, he knew that was unrealistic, and that I needed to be loved again. He wanted me to move on with my life, and that meant someone else in my life. I was young when John died, only 40, and he wanted me to find someone that not only accepted and loved me, but the children as well.

How long do you wait? Until you are ready. Should you feel guilty? No, you should not. But don't be pressured to do anything (date, kiss, hold hands, flirt) until you are ready to do it. And, in my case, when I wasn't looking for a relationship, a friendship blossomed into something more.

Do I still grieve for my husband? Yes, I do. But that doesn't mean I can't smile and enjoy life. John wanted me to do that, smile again, and enjoy life. And I am sure your husband wants the same for you.

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