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how to keep this reationship??

Published on April 7, 2010 by heather.brace

i've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and the past two weeks has been a constant fight. it started when his very religious mother asked us to sleep in separate beds when she comes to visit at the end of the month. i felt this question was both ridiculous and unfair as did my boyfriend but he wanted to sleep in separate beds out of respect for his mother. my argument was if we visit them and they want us in separate beds i will respect her in her house but shes coming into ours and i felt she was telling us what to do and if she had a problem with my decision she could stay at a hotel. the past two weeks of us fighting i wish i could go back and just say whatever, i'll suck it up for one week and we'll sleep in separate beds but obviously that wont happen. after that argument we began fighting about things and problems i didnt even realize we were having. like any relationship we have our normal fights but my boyfriend feels no one fights like we do but i dont see it being a problem i feel its normal fights people are going to get into living with each other. my boyfriend is in the military and in a month we are supposed to be moving to another province for our first posting..and without saying the words to me hes made it clear he doesnt want me to go with him. he feels he lost himself in this relationship and he feels he cant be himself anymore which i find crazy because im not the type of person to make someone change, personally i find it more attractive if you can always be yourself and not worry about what anyone thinks but he doesnt believe me. there has been times in our relationship where we have talked and both agreed there was things that needed to change but both of us never actually changed. after everything that has happened in the past two weeks i know i need to change as does he and im willing to do it for this relationship but he doesnt believe me and wont even get us one more chance. i am so confused and i need someone elses opinion.. please.

ANSWERS

You are just having a rough patch during these two weeks. With anything you have to pick your battles. Sometimes it's just better to give in to minor things (like sleeping in separate beds while his mother is visiting). That's not really a big deal. It sounds like he has something else going on that he's not letting you in on. If it's really been 4 years and this is the first time you're having a really huge argument, it probably isn't about his mother. Are you sure he doesn't want you to move with him? You may be picking up on that but it could be something else. Just be patient and clear about how you feel. Let him know that you want to have a future with him and work this out. See what he says. Give him a chance to tell you what is really bothering him. The only one who knows what's really going on with him is him.

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