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How important is sex to a woman?

Published on April 7, 2010 by danny2012

I have been married 15 years. But after the birth of my 3rd child my wife has turned it off sexually. We have bought all the wonder drugs, and seen about every Dr. whose expert opinion is on sex. I have read that women sometimes enjoys the relax time and quitness of home. I have on a plenty of times taken the kids for a weekend trip, get a way so when I come back even though I am tired would love to mess around with her. But if and only if we do mess around its one time and then she says she enjoyed her time off and that she is happy. I am left there with a fire that is growing bigger and bigger inside me and feel that life gave me a lemon when in comes to the sex part of life. I love my wife I love everything about her except her very very very low sexuall drive. Do women get over sex quicker than men after marriage? Is sex sitll important to a woman after childbirth? Is me thinking of divorce even right ? The only problem is we have no sex in our life , maybe once every 6 months (no joke) . She has tried to get back into it but we always have fights about her lack sexuall drive. Am I wrong to think of leaving my children for more attention in the bed room?

ANSWERS

Sex is just one part of a relationship, but when it is not working it can knock the whole thing over. While sex is important and you and your wife should continue to work at this, it isn't right to consider leaving your children for more sex. Like I said, sex is just one part of the relationship, why would you give up everything just for that? It's hard and its frustrating, but its also a part of life together--going through these tough times. Don't be so quick to give up.

I assume you and your wife have talked about this. What are the reasons she gives for not wanting sex? Is she open to other alternatives? Is she open to talking about it? Have you asked your wife what would it take to get back to having sex at least once a week? Is she willing to try and put herself in the mood for that? Is she willing to work with you and meet you half way?

How long have you and your wife been working at this? You said you've seen Drs, have you seen sex therapists? It might be good for you and your wife to see one together. Keep working at it.

It is definitely wrong to consider leaving your wife and children just for that. Surely, you can't be that shallow? Is sex really the most important thing to you? You say everything is great except for her low drive. Though sex is important to a relationship, you are married and need to try to work through this no matter what. I have heard that women can change after child birth. The doctors you are seeing must understand that and realize the problem. Keep trying to work at it, and I think Lyz is right about trying to see a sex therapist.

I can totally relate, but I am in the opposite situation. I want more sex and my husband is not really that interested in it. Honestly when we have it, it really isn't all that great. I have had several talks with him about it. I am not an unattractive woman at all. I am very active, and I do get hit on quite often out in public. We have four children, a wonderful house, by all accounts a wonderful life, but I'm so unhappy I want to leave it all. It all boils down to the bedroom and the intimate feelings that just aren't there. He says he loves me with words, but doesn't show me with affection at all. It is very frustrating but his lack of desire for me has dramaticaly changed my desire for him. I would almost prefer if he was cheating on me becasue then at least there would be some kind of explanation. It seems so unatural to me for a man to not to want to have sex with his wife. We are in our early 30's, which I consider to be fairly young. I have bought several sexy things to wear for him to get him in the mood, I have made all kinds of arrangements to have babysitters and things, it doesn't seem to do any good. Sex is not just a small part of a marriage, it's the intimate driving force between the connection of a husband and wife. it's what created their family for crying out loud. I don't know what to tell you except that I feel your pain. I have managed to figure out something that for the time being anyway works for me. But a marriage with no sex is just co-existing and that is not what marriage should be to me. A marriage with out sex will not last long and i don't see a problem with that.

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