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How has marriage changed you?

Published on August 9, 2010 by genevieve

Hey wise YourTango readers! We are helping our friend, dating coach and author Andrea Syrtash gather research for her upcoming book about marriage. She's looking for input from real women on how marriage has changed them.

So, tell us: how has marriage changed you? Are all the changes positive? Is there anything that you wish hadn't changed?

Tell us by the end of the week (Friday, August 13) for your chance to have your input included in Andrea's book.

ANSWERS

Marriage made me see myself in a new light. When you are by yourself your foibles and bad habits stay hidden, but marriage sees all. I learned that I leave the toothpaste uncapped. I'm messy in the bathroom and that I jiggle my leg when I'm nervous. But I love that that level of knowing. It helps me become a better person. I now cap the toothpaste (mostly) and clean the bathrooms when I am finished (mostly) the leg jiggling is a different battle :)

I will say this too. Marriage has helped me see the importance of letting things go. Not every carelessly cast aside sock is grounds for a battle. And serving someone else in small ways is one of the most effective ways to love.

I was actually surprised by how anticlimactic getting married was... we had moved in together a year before, and that was what really took some getting used to. By the time we said "I do," it felt like nothing was changing.

Three years later, the change has snuck up on me. When we first got together, I was an un-mushy commitment-phobe, always sure to ruin a romantic moment, and resentful of having to share my space and lose my independence. Now we've totally flip-flopped. My heart lifts when I arrive home and see that he's there. I can't fall asleep without him. Sometimes, I think of him and get the warm fuzzies.

What the hell.

Marriage has taught me that being humble is a virtue. My husband and I used to fight many times a year over a simple matter of hurting eachother's pride. We've learned (it took years, because we are both stubborn that way) that working together toward a functional family includes feedback, some criticism and negotiation. It seems like an intimate relationship should just automatically work because you care so much about eachother, but it really takes work.

Marriage has taught me that I can't let someone else's actions dictate my actions. Just because my husband is acting like an @$$ doesn't mean I have to change myself to follow suit. With that being said, don't let that person take advantage of a situation.

Marriage isn't about pride and principals, so many marriages fail because of it. There is no black and white with it, it is all gray. I had to understand that a husband and wife are family... not boyfriend and girlfriend, but family. The same way I forgive my close family member for stealing from me or my child for sneaking out of the house, is the same way I forgive my husband for his mistakes.

Sadly I'm not so positive as the others.My marriage is failing and I am definitely changed by it.It has taught me to only trust myself and no one else. I have become a person I despise and don't like at all and it seems the only way to fix it is to leave my marriage.People say marriage can't work with out communicating and I am living proof this is true.I went from a 19 year marriage to being married for nearly a year and it seems I have married someone who isn't who I thought he was.The most valuable thing marriage has taught me is no one is who they seem to be and I will NEVER repeat this mistake again!

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