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How to Explain Non Existent Dating History?

Published on September 17, 2012 by firestarter

I just started dating, and have met a few potential guys that I can imagine getting to know better and choose one to start dating. However, when I say STARTED dating I really mean it. I'm 25, and just started out in the dating world. Through high school and college I was very education oriented, career oriented, and had a bad case of wanderlust traveling with friends to other countries - dating really did not interest me during that time - I was very content. Now that I'm more settled and dating I feel like I should offer a short disclaimer of my lack of dating history that has no kissing, no intimacy, and no sex at my age. What kind of disclaimer should I give or should I not give one at all? I feel like I should offer something because it would be unfair when I become hesitant when hes swooping in for the kiss, or casual contact, and sex - I don't want to give him the wrong idea that I do not want (I do WANT) but all this would be uncharted territory for me.


No need to make a total disclaimer up front. When you reach the point in a relationship where you think it's appropriate to tell him something, do so. Just be honest - say you hadn't found anyone before him that you wanted to date, but that you ARE interested in HIM now. If you seem a little inexperienced, it's because you ARE inexperienced. Tell him you're not against whatever he's trying to do (assuming you AREN'T against what he wants to do), but that you haven't done this before (or at least not much) and are a little bit nervous and are learning. If he finds out that he's your first (at whatever you're doing), he's more than likely going to feel flattered and something special.

While it is perfectly normal and expected to feel a little nervous over doing something for the first time, do NOT be pressured into doing something you DON'T want to do. "Opening night jitters" is one thing, but "I didn't want to do that" is something else entirely. The number one thing a man looks for in a woman (whether in bed or anywhere else) is enthusiasm - if you're enjoying what you're doing, or are excited about trying it (especially if you're enjoying it or are excited about it because it's with him), he won't care that you may be a bit awkward and unpracticed.

Whether you are new to the dating scene or a veteran, it's always best to go slow with revealing any information about your dating history in general. There isn't a need to disclose that you haven't dated too many people. You have a great story to tell on your own - you've traveled and spent more time on education, career and yourself.These are all positives that are not only conversation starters. You have proven that you have put your goals and personal needs first and now you are looking to begin dating now that you have settled down a bit at this stage in your life.

When the chemistry is there, you will know it. You will want to respond to any advances that your potential Plus One may make. Feeling awkward with someone has less to do with dating history and more to do with feeling comfortable with the person you are with. You can always let someone know that while you are getting to know each other that you want to take it slow. You do not have to have sex with someone to be attracted to them. Just take it date by date and you will instinctively begin to know when its time to respond to his advances.

Good Luck!

Find Your Plus One "Because Everyone Deserves a Plus One"

I agree with the other comments: it's not anyone's business that you've always put dating on the back burner. That's your choice and completely realistic these days with the older average marriage age.

But I wonder if you might be "single at heart"? Some people really are. Look up Bella DePaulo (Ph.D. Harvard). She's written a lot on this.

As I read your question, I noticed that you wrote: "when I become hesitant when he's swooping in for the kiss..." In my experience, if you are hesitant then this is simply information for you. Information that is telling you that you may not feel entirely comfortable. If you are uncomfortable, you don't have to explain anything to him. Just tell him the truth. Perhaps "Things are going faster than I'm comfortable with." If he insists, then really, is he the right guy for you right now? Trust your intuition.

There is no one way or one best time to explain your dating history. But there is a right time to kiss, have casual contact and sex. If you are feeling uncomfortable, then this is information that THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME FOR YOU.