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Give Advice: My Fiancé & I Don't Have Sex

Published on February 23, 2012 by nova2732

I'm getting married in less than two months. My fiancé and I have sex so rarely (once or twice a month) and more than half the time he wakes me up in the middle of the night for sex, which of course results in groggy, unfulfilling sex. When I try to talk to him about it, he either gets defensive or completely shuts down. I want him to know that I'm terrified about what this means for our relationship and I've considered calling off the wedding, but I don't want to push him away even more. How can I get through to him?


First, I just want to let you know that you should not get married if you aren't 100% sure that you can deal with having sex once or twice a month. Anyway, I have learned that sex is a touchy subject for some. I don't know your Fiance, so I am not sure how he deals with things. I bought a cute bra/panty set and stood in front of my husband. Lol I basically told him how hard it is to keep my hands off of him and how I needed to feel was pretty graphic so I won't go into detail, but I hope this helps! Just figure out if you can deal with it before getting married.

I was in a one year relationship with someone who only liked sex twice a month as well. It was frustrating and I started to feel undesirable. We were also incompatible in every other major way, so we broke up. This freed me to be with someone compatible with me in every major way, including sex. I'm 100% happier now.

You love this man, but love isn't enough when it comes to being happy. Sex is a major part of a couples life. He needs to be with someone with a low libido like him. You need to be with someone who has the same libido as you. Do both of yourselves a favor and find compatible partners. It's difficult to say goodbye to someone you care about, but if you don't, you will live an unsatisfying life. Good luck.

if this is what is going on now .what do u think being married to a man who is selfish-and it sounds like in every way.its seems like its his way or the highway.take and exit quickly.your crashing.and u know try he doesnt .is this the way you really want-just to exsist not to be happy.there is no joy in mud ville. alex

Critisism hurts everyone. When you discuss his inability to satisfy you, he feels criticized. But, you can't solve it now because it's very hurting and he's shut you down which means he isn't going to react any more kindly the next time the subject is brought up. It's not a good idea to keep on him about the subject, even though it may be something that you need in the relationship. You've tried talking to him and your method isn't working. He might think you're being mean and selfish but, sexual attraction and intimacy are important. It doesn't all just fall into place after you get married, though This might be hard for you to deal with but, I hope the invitations haven't been sent and if they are, so what? If you don't come to grips with this issue in your life now, it will still be there after the wedding. I'd forget the wedding for now and really examine the idea and concept of why you want to marry this man or don't want to marry this man.

The others that have commented have good points for you to think about, and I would have to agree that things don't magically change once you have a ring on your finger. When you're engaged to someone, then you're declaring out loud your commitment to spend a lifetime with him.

However, at the same time--this is the time period for you two as an engaged couple to turn to one another and seriously question how compatible you are together: emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually. Don't let the pressure of others expectations keep you from discussing intimate, uncomfortable details with the only other person in your relationship, your fiance.

Can you two agree to talk about all of the really uncomfortable subjects together in the next two months (including your sex life)--so you know more of each other? When you're in a relationship for the long haul, you have to talk about everything that will affect your relationship. If you're not being forthright now, then you are not sharing all of yourself with your fiancee. How can you ask the same of him? Is this the kind of relationship you want together? Or would you like it to be more open, trusting, and intimate? By approaching him in a loving manner and with good intentions for making your relationship healthier, you can lift each other up and figure out how to nurture and be there to cherish and help one another grow.