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How do you tell a new love interest that you have herpes?

Published on May 8, 2012 by anonymous.humiliated

I have HORRIBLE skeletons in my past.  I am 40, never been married and I have 2 kids (18 and 21).  I am a recovering addict and actually went to prison several years ago.  When I came home from prison, I was diagnosed with herpes.  I want to have a partner in this life...and yes, I would LOVE nothing more than to have a husband.  I am educated and some would even say I am successful.  I own my own home and am attractive.  The only men I attract are LOSERS and I am sure that is because I don't feel that any other man would accept me and my past-so I settle.  So my question is...how long does a person wait to drop all of these bombs on someone?  I always spill it on the first date...its like I want to "warn" the poor guy.  Now that I am 40-and can see that this is obviously not working for me...I want to figure out a way to date in a healthy way.  I feel like he would have the right to know that I am a diseased, convicted felon right off the bat...but then, how would he ever get to know me?  I am totally confused, totally humilated and am wondering if I should just forget the whole dating and marriage thing...I just feel too tainted.  Is there any hope for someone like me and if so, how in the world do I handle these issues.

Thanks...

ANSWERS

You are not tainted. Everyone has a past. Definitely talk about it before sex. Take time to get to know each other...maybe 6 months or so. They may be more accepting once they know and appreciate you for who you are and not what you've done.

P.S- Listen to Tenth Avenue North- You Are More :-) Let me know what you think.

Please Please Please hear me, don't think of yourself the way you have been. I am a man in my mid 40's and share the same issue as you. I have dealt with it for over 20 years. Carrying a deep secret is a heavy load I know. You have to know that there are a lot of men that would look past your issue. I never thought it would be possible for someone to accept me, and I was so very wrong. People our age come with bags of many shapes and sizes, so you baggage is really not as bad as you think. Look for a man that can be a friend first and a lover later. Hang in there you are worth so much and the right person will see it.

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