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How do you talk to teens about sex?

Published on April 10, 2009 by bookmama

I know that teens are having sex at a younger age than ever before. I'm a parent and I want to be sure that my kids are okay. I want them to be safe from diseases. I don't want them to end up pregnant. I don't want them to have sex and then be sorry because they weren't ready. I don't want them to feel pressured into anything.


Definately leave the door open for them to be able to talk to you about this, without being judgemental. Also prepare them with the tools to not get pregnant, or get someone pregnant. It is sure backup when teens can be hard headed and have sex anyway. Girls need depo shot for birth control, boys need a box of condoms at the front door, to freely take when they go out. Of course we try to instill in our kids to wait to have sex, for marriage, or for love. But it is best to be on the safe side and not become a grandparent too early, before your child even has the chance to go to college. I would stress the part of not becoming a parent in highschool to them. That you want them to discover life out there, and all the great opportunities there are. Not to mention AIDS, and the fact you never know who has it. And of course to respect their bodies, there is a soul in there, protect their temple.

Go somewhere with that person first of all your a parent but you have 2 develop a friendship and gain trust you were youngtoo how you dealt with it when you build the friendship and trust which could probably as much as you put into it I mean the more you put in to a relationship the more you get out of it you will gain trust a new form of open conversations where you will be the first to know everything no matter what it is then you can share your young stories exchage ideas and opions on sex relationships whatever but the teenager you want to talk have 2 feel comfortable and the day you open up she or he will open up and dont get crazy when you here the stories you want to know more about

I want kids one day, and hopefully I'll find their mother soon, but in the interim I've thought about how I would approach this, and no easy answer ever comes up. Do I shock them by finding a woman who is kind enough (or willing) to let them see just how much fun the actual child-birth can be? (yes, that was sarcasm) Do I lay it all out on the line with videos, Power Point presenations, flip charts, and anatomically correct models? Or do I simply have a chat with them, something open and unthreatening that doesn't take the tone of "don't have sex till your 30 because I told you to", but more like "if you have any questions, doesn't matter how risque, ask and I'll answer." Do I hope that all the way up to that point that myself and my wife have instilled enough self-esteem into our child to know that they will always do the best they can, despite whatever mistakes they make, and that just talking about sex with them is enough? At the least I'd want my kid to wait till college, when they maybe start getting an idea that they really are becoming an adult and fully understand what they are doing. I lasted till college, and I really haven't had any bad sexual experiences since then (bad sex does not equate to bad sexual experience). I'm not going to say "no, wait till marriage", not when I believe that sexual compatability is important in a marriage (not all important, but somewhere up in the top least top 20). And knowing my kids they'll be as stubborn and willful as I was.

At the least, open up the conversation with them. If you can't promote abstinence before marriage because you didn't exactly practice it yourself then don't. You remember being a kid and smelling that BS when it was told to you. Be honest about your experiences, the fears, the hurt when it was with the wrong person, that great joy and intimacy when it was with the right person. At the very least, your child will respect you more for that. It helps though if you already have a somewhat open relationship to begin with.

im 18 and i lost my virginity to an 18 year old at 13, doesnt mean my parents were bad at telling me not to have sex, i know from experience that when someone tells you not to do something it makes it more fun to do. My father used the "boot camp drill sergeant" technique with me, it made sex seem forbidden and also made me want to do it. all i can say is dont tell them not to do it, but dont tell them its ok either. always be ready to have the talk about sex and its downfalls, and let them know that you will always be there to talk to about it. i hope this helps you

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Talking with Your Kids about Sex: If Not Now, When?