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How do you say goodbye to a lover you still love?

Published on September 3, 2009 by margaretshess

I chose to iniate a reconciliation with my husband of over 14 years - 15 in November. I have been seeing a very nice man since March and we are doing fine. I did not chose my husband because my relationship with this other man was on the outs or anything. My lover thinks everything is fine and this news will come as a total suprise to him. I love him - I am still in love with him. How do I let him go and tell him the truth? He told me "I love you" first. I am having trouble finding the words.

ANSWERS

How long of a break did you have when you and your husband separated? It sounds like you don't know what you want. You seem to be going back and forth from one man to another. Man-hopping doesn't make you look good at all, and it makes it seem like you're unsure and confused.

I too would like to suggest a break. I think you need to tell both men you need time to get your head together.

First of all your story is a bit dense without enough information concerning your husband and what separated you and him after being together for so long. This is very important for not only you to understand, but your husband as well. Have you even told your husband that you were still in love with this other man? This is very important, because your husband should know and if not and you tell him the truth, he may not want you! Plus this lover you have, you stated that he is a very nice man, and he knows nothing of you getting ready to tell him that all of a sudden you are done with him and then to let im know that you have made up with your husband. This lover will definitely be upset and perhaps may decide to never speak to you again. I think you are truly convinced that getting back with your husband the right thing to do, but I must ask you to think this through. obviously you love both of them at this time and you should just be alone so that you can figure out what it is that you want. So before you hurt your lover or make your husband feel secure, you should go stay with a relative for a while to get your head straight. This works for everyone and gives you your space. Good luck and if you do go back to your husband just make sure it's for good and the right reason.

Michael

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