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How do you know he's serious about saying "it's over"?

Published on May 26, 2009 by azangel99

He's threatened me so many times, but we always work through it....and, yes, I know he's a relationship illiterate. I try to hang in there because there are so many good qualities in him; but he's only half-way committed. It's almost like every three or four weeks he gets his "time of the month" and wants to run away- of course blaming it all on me. This time he means it (just like previous times that he's meant it) it's over.

So, what's the deal? Should I just pack my stuff and say bye, bye - or stick out this little tantrum, too. When it's good, it is great. I know that all relationships suffer ups and downs, but to continually threaten someone with abandonment, that's just not nice- or good for the relationship, and smells of his insecurities. I hope this doesn't come across as whiny. I just need some serious answers. Thank you.

ANSWERS

No it's not emotionally healthy for him to keep threatening you like this. It's not good for you or him. If you really want to work it out. I'd weather this storm and then when he is back to normal, sit him down and ask him why he does this to you.

Also, ask yourself if you want this more than he does? Seems like he's got one foot in and one foot out. That's okay for the first few months of a relationship, but after a year he's going to have to decide which way he wants to go. And you have to decide how much you can handle.

I'm with Lyz on this. There is no reason for you to have to constantly keep the concern in your thoughts if this months tantrum will be the last or next month. There may be a lot of good qualities in him, but he really doesn't sound like he is ready for a real relationship, and your patience and desire to see him mature into a relationship-literate guy can only go so far. From what it all sounds like, staying with him is only going to result in this same thing happening over and over again. As Lyz suggested, when he has finished his recent bout of Manstrating, talk to him about it, how you feel about it, and let him know how much more of it you'll take before you can't take anymore. its not an ultimatum, but you taking care of yourself. Its also a bit of tough love for him. I know you care about him, but if this keeps up then you'll just be enabling this behaviour, and then you definitely won't get all that you want in a relationship.

I have some sympathy with your SO because I used to threaten to break up with my husband (boyfriend) when I got really upset. After a while he didn't believe me, of course, so the threat was pretty ineffective. I never actually got to the point of leaving, and I was 20 years younger at the time.

Whether or not you want to put up with it is up to you and how much you can take. If you don't want to keep going through it, then if he comes back to you, let him know that you won't keep taking him back.

Set up a date or two with some fun guys, Block his phone and text and email, call him one last time and Dump him!!!

It sounds to me like he is very unhappy with himself. My suggestion is call a halt for awhile. Tell him you are not emmotionally prepared for the rollercoaster he has put you on and that if he can get happy with himself you will consider taking hm back. If he does come to you asking for forgiveness take it very slow. Let him know that your world does not revolve around him and if he wants to be with you he will have to show it more than 3 weeks out of the month.

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