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how do you get back intimacy with a partner after cheating

Published on July 15, 2009 by leah gayah

My partner cheated on me with another girl sometimes back he came to me and told me a half truth because he knows that one way or the other i always find out so he told me that his friends were the ones who pushed him to that girl. He said that his friends had started questioning his manhood and the girl was hanging onto him at the bar where they drink and so he just kissed her and that was all

After a few days my phone got spoiled so he gave me one of his cell phones to use before i bought another and i found messages which they had been sending between him and that girl who he told me was just a kiss i was very hurt by that and when i asked him instead of being sorry he became mad at the fact that i had to check through his sms so i left it at that

We promised to be best friends no matter what happens in our life and we have done that so far so we meet almost every other day maybe for coffee or for movie. After that incidence i never slept with him again or shared the same room with him. If i go to his place i sleep in a different room. He has tried to show me in different ways that he is sorry about what happened but i have not been able to forgive him for that. Its been over six months ever since it happened almost a year actually and i can vouch for him for the fact that he has not had another girl for all that time. We both have now turned to internet for fantasies and it is really boring.

I have two questions: One is how do i get past that and forgive him for the lie? and the second is how do we get back our love life or passion? How do we get back to having sex and all since we enjoy each others company and we both kind of know that we belong together?

ANSWERS

Girl you are so better off without a guy like that in your life, trust. All cheaters will grovel and stay clean until they get you back and once they have you thay will immediately go back to their ways. Worse still, he is a cheater AND a liar. Get somebody who deserves and loves you.

You won't be able to get past it unless he is willing to earn your trust and only you can decide what earning your trust looks like. And that is not being sorry. Of course he is sorry, but is he willing to earn your trust? Not talk about what a bad person he is, but man up and earn you back. I hope so. If he is I suggest starting at square one. Ask him to woo you all over again. If he's not willing you won't be able to get past it. Some people get past it, but you need to be very honest with yourself. Why do you want to make this work with him? Do you just miss the sex? That's not a good enough reason. Cheating wrecks some marriages and you two are just dating. Why is this worth it to you. Coming back from cheating is a long hard road that requires time and committment and frustration. I know couples who've been together for 30 years who are still struggling to come back from cheating that happened 10 years ago. There are no quick fixes. And you need to ask yourself why you want to do this? Why settle for this?

I have a question/survey posted that I would love for you to answer...it relates to your question and is research for a paper I am writing in school. thanks.

Been in this situation once. My husband cheated for 6 months and finally felt guilty about doing it and told on himself. I think I would rather of never known. Ruined my marriage completely. No trust, didn't want him to touch me, nothing.

You don't get over it the affair will always be on your mind. You'll always wonder if hes still cheating.

Beleive me it never goes back to the same loving way it was.

Youre telling me a kiss with a random is the ending to your relationship? 2 years ago 2 years into my relationship I was flirting back and forth with a coworker. call it young and dumb if youd like but she kissed me and I let it happen. after she walked away my smile instantly faded and I face palmed myself and thought what in the hell just happend... although he didnt call you the second it happend and said this just happend, he gave it some thought and came out to you with the intentions of earning your trust with honesty. he probably kept the messages back and forth between him and her from you because he figured it wasnt a big enough thing and didnt want to cause more drama with the way you may of reacted with his honesty. I myself am here after my girlfriend cheated, left me, had sex with multiple people and then came back, talk about a mindfuck...

but if you cant get past him kissing a girl once and being honest with you about it hoping youd be accepting and learn to build off of it (which I learned alot from my experience in how cheating makes you feel terrible and being true to the one you love is much more fulfilling than being sneaky and shady to the one you love) then you arent mature enough to hold a serious relationship. no ones perfect, but I have to give him credit, hurting you by telling you was not enjoyable for him. and if hes still trying to get with you after youve turned him down for more than 6 months he obviously cares enough to probably not do it again.

If I could go back in time I'd do a lot of things differently and I'm sure he would to but I cant I have today and now and my future. if you cant get over this minimal fuck up let him go so he can enjoy the one life he gets to live with someone who can give him a fresh start instead of following you like a lost puppy. you arent married therefore you have no obligation to one another.

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