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How do you enjoy a Conservative Lover in the bedroom?

Published on June 2, 2010 by rleon

My sex drive has always been at a high level. My husband was aware of it from the beginning when we first met. I like to enjoy myself and have fun. I like to explore and try different things.

He is plain and simple. Every now and then he will engage in a little excitement. He doesn't like me as his freak. It a turns him off. I want to be able to enjoy my him to the fullest. It's sadthat I can't.

I hav spoke to him about it, he gets mad at me for even having creative ideas. I try flirting w/ him, to spice things up in our relationship and make it more fun. It's hard!

I feel I'm restricted. I also feel I can't be myself w/him. I do hold back my full fillment in order to make him happy.

He doesn't like me giving him head. It's a turn off for him. He has no problem doing it for me. He doesn't like it and can't stand the the image of seeing me as his freak. It's dirty and reminds him of street women.

He tells me, I'm very precious and I'm his pride and joy.

He takes control and wants me to just lay their while he does everything. Along with that we only do the same few positions over and over.

I fell in love w/ him for his heart more than anything else. Our sex is good enough.. It could be better.

I like role playing, learning new things on how to please each other. I like a little agressiveness, I like being exotic. I like using my imagination and being creative..

He doesn't like it.

How do you enjoy a conservative lover in the bedroom?

I have tryed many differnt ways, it's not working for me.. What to do need help?


Hi there,

I can totally understand where you stand, as I am myself in a long-term relationship with a man who gets turned off by my kinky fantasies, and, to be honest, I sometimes think I'll never meet anyone to match my imagination... But since you're actually married to this guy and obviously not intent on looking for someone else, here's what you can do.

You basically have several options:

  1. Try to insist on performing one of your "kinks" and only stop if he shows strong marks of discontent (as in really becoming turned off - losing his erection, that is, because that's the clearest sign of turn off).
  2. Try to perform some of these kinks or at least fantasize you're performing them while masturbating.. it's a sort of compromise for getting more satisfaction out of your sex-life, even though it doesn't really help your sex-life with him.
  3. Talk to him about the image he has built of you. Chances are he might be turning a blind eye to who you really are and choosing to see you as who he wants you to be, which isn't really fair. Ask yourself whether there are other things you'd like to do, at a non-sexual level, which you refrain from because it might offend HIS image of you.
  4. Talk to him about HIS sexuality issues... it might be that he's set some very clear limits to what he's willing to do sexually because he's insecure as to his ability to perform if he was to try something more exotic. If this is the case, you must keep in mind it's a very sensitive subject, and must be approached with as much delicacy and care as possible...
  5. Try to "train" him into accepting more kinkiness into your sex-life together, by using a reward system (I know it sounds cynical, but men CAN be trained). Say you wanted to go for bondage. Instead of presenting him with a pair of handcuffs, give him a soft scarf and ask him to tie your hands together, above your head. Tell him just how good that makes you feel, and promise something in return after the love-making (back rub, breakfast in bed, or whatever it is that works for him - just keep it simple, you don't want to be offering a reward for too small en effort, you're supposed to work things up gradually, so make sure there are bigger rewards available for when, for instance, you want him to tie you up and spank you).
  6. Suggest therapy. Explain that you think the two of you are amazing persons and just have a wonderful relationship that you're not willing to give up on, but sex is important and it could improve so much more if the two of you worked through this issue.

Last, but not least, if none of these work for you, take the time to assess just how important it is for you to attain complete sexual satisfaction with your husband. Prioritize the importance of various aspects in your marriage, use a scale for grading or anything that works for you, and see whether, on the long term, this issue may or may not lead to a break-up. If you can live the rest of your life accepting that you have a loving, caring husband (plus all the other qualities I'm sure he has), BUT you might never reach complete sexual satisfaction with him, then put your mind at peace and try not to worry about it, enjoying the rest of the relationship.