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How do you approach suspicions that your boyfriend is bi-sexual?

Published on September 7, 2010 by ajm365

My boyfriend of almost 1 year is a wonderful man. I love him with all my heart and honestly could see myself spending my life with him. We had a few rough patches with fighting, but have been on the right track for a while now. We just moved in together and things seem to be going very well. He is straight, but very very metrosexual. I've never known a straight man with so many feminine quirks, but I'd like to chalk it up that he is just very particular about his appearance, and he is. His feelings towards homosexuality seem normal enough. He doesn't think gay marriage should be legal, but has no problems with gay people. So he doesn't have an "extreme" viewpoint for, or against. (not overcompensating by showing hatred or anything like that) During a rough patch at the beginning of our relationship (less than 1 month together), I found that he still had a personals site up. I approached him about it and he got rid of it. Now, I did have his e-mail password, and in June we got into a serious fight that resulted in a "break." It was only for 1 week. I panicked and snooped in his e-mail. He had responded to a craigslist ad for a casual encounter. The title was along the lines of M2M, 69 in our city. In his response (in his sent folder), he simply wrote "21/m/city". Nothing more. He didn't include pictures or anything. The ad that he responded to was a man holding his penis up for the camera. I obviously spazzed out but didn't say anyhting to him because, 1. didn't want him to know I snooped, and 2. I was worried that he would be so embarassed we'd completely break up, or 3. he would flat out deny it. A week later, I looked again and he had deleted his sent folder. I did check his e-mail several times to see if the person he wrote to responded, and they never did. So as far as I know, nothing happened. It's been several months since then, and our relationship has been very solid. So I don't want to rock the boat by bringing it up, but it still is on my mind and eats at me a bit. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach this at all. If he is bi, and told me, I'd be fine with it. I would have no problem, as long as he didn't cheat on me and didn't try to pursue these feelings. We have an AMAZING sex life, so obviously his possible bi-sexuality has NO negative impact on our sex life at all. Any advice is appreciated!!

ANSWERS

I'm a women's health professional so I'm freeking out on your behalf. Go with your gut instinct.

Here is the scoop. If your friend is trolling for opportunities, chances are he already has had "casual encounters. In the Gay world, this is often without condom protection. You won't be able to take his word on this. So, for your personal safety, assume he has had unprotected sex with other men and he is at risk for HIV and Hep B & C. My questions to you would be:

Q: Have you always used condoms throughout the entire encounter? Q: Is he circumcised? If not, does he have a foul odor under the foreskin? Q: Have you given him head without a condom? If yes, did he come in your mouth? Q: Has he suggested anal sex? Have you allowed him to penetrate your anus? Condom? Q: Does he like anal play? Either you touching his anus or him touching yours? Q: Does he do casual drugs of any kind?

It's really up to you if you want to date a bi-sexual man. Lord knows, I've enjoyed relationships with bisexual women. In fact, I prefer it for training purposes. Who better to teach a guy the ways to a woman's pleasure than to be taught by experts.?

If he has a steady, monogamous relationship with another guy, no big deal. But if he is still experimenting and having a difficult time with his sexuality, he could have already put you at risk. Get tested for everything. Get him tested for everything. Then ask him when was the last time he was with a guy and talk about condom use.

Then and only then can you make an informed decision. Good Luck. Hope you get the answers you are looking for.

If this person continues her relationship with her boyfriend she is playing with fire. After I broke up with my boyfriend someone snooped in his email for me and found he was doing the same thing, replying to men on Craigslist. He would send a little more information than the example given in the article, his data included his age, height, weight, how many years divorced, clean, dd/free, cut , a good kisser. I found his behavior continued even after he got involved with another woman. He denies every thing but his emails tell another story. So I'm sure he was doing the same when we went together, I just didn't know. I have tried to warn his current girlfriend, but she doesn't seem to care. Even after he tried hooking up with a man when she went out of town. Some women are desperate for a man in their life. No matter wha,t your life is not worth it if you contact a life long disease because your partner choses to play around.

You are getting some good advice, so this information may seem less important to you. Be careful when you snoop or lie; you may get what you deserve!

Dr. T. Michael

He may be just fooling around, not serious or anything, Men do stuff like that. He may be Bi Curious. Talk to him about that topic, then just ask him how he feels about it? Reveal something about your own thoughts, that might just surprise him to hear. Maybe you have thought of what it would be like to be with a women, that doesn't make you gay, it makes you curious. Good Luck

What is it with these women (you and mgagal) who insist on snooping in men's e-mails? If he's not being bothered with you why are you invading his privacy?? The best advice either one of you can receive is "stop stalking!"

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