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How do we fix our relationship insecureaties?

Published on March 18, 2012 by itscharliebaby

I am in a long distance because he is goes to college in washington and i live in florida. So we live on oppsite sides of the country. He is turning 20 this year and im 18. We were together for over a year when we broke up. He just stopped calling and replying to my text. I love him and didnt want to let go. After about 4 months I started to talk to someone new. He and I became close and I ended up losing my virginity to him. About a week after the even happened, I got an email from my ex. I wasn't sure if it was him or not so I texted him asking of it was he sad yes. And then we started talking again. My current boyfriend knew that we were talking but didn't think muh of it. Anyway my feeling for my ex rushed back and I told my boyfriend that. He was hurt and upset. We went our seperated ways. Me and my ex caught up on lost time and I told him about losing my virginity. He was very upset. He is a virgin and we had promised to be each others first but because of the distance it had been put on hold. When we broke up, I didn't think I'd hear from him again.we're back together again and had we not broke up it'd be 2 years on the 31st of march. I've told him I'm sorry that I'd unintentionally hurt him. I don't think what I did was wrong. I want this to work. We both do. That's why we talk about what is bothering each other but we still have our insecurities. He is afraid that our first time together won't be special. He can only think of me and the guy I lost it to. And I'm scared that he'll leave me again out of no where. I love him but this two things have been affecting our relationship a lot. We are always arguing about these. I want our relationship to work. It's not always that a relationship get a second chance. I this to work. I love him so much and I feel like we need help because we obviously haven't been able to work these problems out on our own. If you have any advice what so ever please give it to us. We would truly appreciate it. Thanks for reading this.

ANSWERS

First of all-stop joining in the argument. As you say, you UNINTENTIONALLY hurt him, and you cannot convince him that it is not a big deal because it is to him. Equally, he hurt you when he just stopped responding to you when you broke up. You are both vulnerable, so you need to address the underlying fears.
If it usually develops in to an argument when you try to talk, perhaps you could both try writing down what is bothering you and reading it to each other, without interruption or arguing. Afterwards, the only comments allowed are "I'm sorry" or "I love you", or alternatively hugging is allowed!! Good luck!

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