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How do I tell my husband that I'm in love with someone else?

Published on April 16, 2009 by miss dani

I've been married my entire adult life !!! I am 10 years into my second marriage to a man that I have known since I was 13. We have grown a lot together but also grown apart. We have 2 kids (he is their step father) who are almost grown. More then 2 years ago I met someone at my work. He is also married. We started the whole office flirtation and eventually ended up sleeping together. After about 6 months of having the best sex of my life with this man I started having feelings for him and I helped him get a job at another competitors company (because I had some inside connections there) I was really trying to at that point end things before I couldn't let go of this guy. To sum it up he is everything a woman would want in a man. My husband and I have had so many ups and downs not that I am trying to or even need to have an excuse because in my eyes I don't. My husband spent years lying to me from day one of our relationship he has lied. The problem is he feels me distancing myself from our marriage and I want out more then anything but I am a feelings person and I care more about hurting him then I do about being happy myself. The boyfriend has told his wife it's over and wants to be with me. Neither of us is looking to jump into a serious relationship but we both have said we don't want or need to date anyone else. How do I get out of this ? As my mom always said " ohhh the webs we weave when at first we deceive"

ANSWERS

Yeah there are only two ways out. The messy lying way, where he'll find out the truth in the end. Or just the truth. Although, if your entire marriage has been so horrible, why do you want out now? It sounds like it's less about how "bad" your husband is and more about how you are in "love" with this new guy. Stop blaming your husband.

Would you leave your husband if you didn't know this guy? Is your husband really someone you don't want or is it one of those down times we all have (hopefully not often)? I think you should be honest with yourself. What would make you truly happy, and would you be disappointed if it's not what you thought it would be. Answer these and then if you want to leave tell him.

Well first of all I have left my husband before. Just as I said before I'm not very good at being strong enough to care more about my happiness over others feelings so I went back when I felt like he was throwing his life away because he was hurt. You see, my husband cant stay sober or clean if I'm not around. So I'm not blaming him for nothing, The problems with me and my husband have everything to do with the fact that he falls off the wagon every couple of years. It has been a pattern that as soon as I feel like everything is going smoothly he screws up again and I have to go looking for him and go through months of helping him get clean. In a nutshell...it's been a rough marriage and one that I have been carrying on my shoulders for the most part by myself.

What do you mean you care more about hurting him, then about your happiness?!? You already hurt him by cheating, in turn to make yourself happy!! Now the same thing he's been doing (being dishonest) you are doing. Not to mention the guy your cheating with is also married. It sounds like you already made up your mind to be attached to someone else. At least have the decency to tell your husband, he does deserves that!

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