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How Do I Set up a Meeting With an Ex Who Moved Away?

Published on October 31, 2012 by jenkriv

Please Help! I can't find information about this on the internet anywhere. My ex and I broke up in Feb. We were already kind of LD when he was here in PA. He lived an hour away and we saw each other on the weekends when we could. After we broke up, he moved to MD, nearly 5 hours away. My Ex has finally contacted me after 9 months.

I've bought programs saying that the first meet up should be very brief, generally only a half hour to an hour over coffee or lunch. They also said you should leave at the climax of the date to leave him wanting more. How do I handle this situation since my ex wants to meet? Obviously, we would not meet for an hour if it is a 5 hour drive. Plus, should I offer to meet him half way or do I have him drive all the way out here? I used to stay at his place. He didn't stay at mine because I live with my Dad and my son, who he never met yet. I really don't want to be the one driving all the way out there to see him (at least not at first). He offered for me to come visit for a weekend if I wanted. Plus, seeing each other for an extended period of time could be dangerous territory (sleeping together), which I want to avoid. I am trying to play super hard to get until a relationship evolves the way I want it, on my terms. We were only together for 4 months. He said he has some things in storage up here that he has to get to one of these days and maybe we could go on a date. I made our entire conversation out to be how busy I am (which is true). I said I would have to see what I had going on around that time and let him know. I hope I handled that well...Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

ANSWERS

It sounds like you might be over-thinking this. Yes, having distance between you two adds more complications to the matter, but this doesn't mean you can't take a reconciliation slowly and on your terms. Do NOT play games. If you are truly busy, be honest about that-- but not in an attempt to be "hard to get."

Spend your spare time learning from what happened in the past between you and your ex that led to the breakup. Make sure you're not falling into old (unhealthy) patterns with him. Otherwise, let this unfold as it needs to. When he comes to town, you two can certainly go on a date and see how things go.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto

You don't say why you two broke up. Since you had so little time together, it may be hard to know if he'd be a good long term partner. If I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't be getting into this difficult situation. Don't you want a bf who you can physically be with at least a few times a week? Why enter into a relationship where you can only meet up possible once a month. The commute ends up being stressful.

When I was single and dating, after breakups, it was quite common for the guy to contact me after four or five months. It's usually when a guy is lonely and hopes for ex sex. They don't care that they're interupting the closure process. If you want to give him a chance, then tell him that when he picks up his storage items, you can meet at a public place for lunch. Yes, don't be his fling. Then, if he speaks of getting back together and you want to, tell him you can date, but not be in a relationship right now. Then make him do all the effort for the first few months. He needs to drive to your area, and he will not stay at your place. I would also prolong having sex until you see he's serious and doesn't just want an easy sexy partner, since he doesn't have anything going on at the time. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

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