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How do I not screw this one up?

Published on May 19, 2011 by redsky

Up till about a month ago I have had no luck with dating. One jerk after another, and a few who I could call alot worse. So I took a long break from the dating scene and carried on with a single life. It went well, gave me time to heal and refocus; then I decided I wouldnt mind a boyfriend again. So I joined an online site and talked to anyone who wanted to chat. I soon met the guy Im currently dating, lets call him Prince Charming. Prince Charming, is a gentleman,respectful, kind, mature and has his life sorted out. Perfect. Things have been going very well, we talk, we have amazing sex, we spend time together but still have our own space. Sounds like the perfect relationship so far. And it is. However things are progressing to a stage that will either make it a solid, long lasting, fufilling relationship or slow down. This is the point I get scared. All my past bad habits want to resurface and my scars start throbbing again telling me to run. I am determined to fight my old self on the matter because I want, I need, and I deserve a loving lasting relationship with a great guy.

However the one thing that worries me is the timing of it all...how do I know what pace to set? My old relationships have either been too fast or too slow. I dont want to go and say things too soon,scaring him off. And I dont want to hold back making him believe Im not that into him. Bascially Im completely lost as to how Im suppose to balance this part of the relationship. Advice please.

ANSWERS

This man seems to good to be truth. Before you are falling in love and thinking about marry him, it's better to do a back ground check on the guy. Protect yourself from getting hurt again

Redsky, You are smart to be aware of the old limiting beliefs surfacing. Close your eyes and really listen, what are these operating assumptions? Write them down. Now what is the fear behind them? Fear of loneliness? Fear of abandonment? Fear of rejection? Frea that your'e not good enough? Fear that he's too good? Write it down. When in doubt always move slowly. you as the woman have to slow things down so a man can catch up with his emotions. A guys actions tend to move faster than his feelings. When his emotions catch up many times he's stunned that he has moved this fast without his awareness so he may tend to blame the woman for pressuring him to get too serious too soon. Always better to move slow.

I agree with Denise. There's no deadline. Time is on your side. Just sit back and enjoy. Don't act nervous, just be happy and carefree. When in doubt, keep your worries to yourself.

Love is a risk. Congratulations for being willing to take that risk.

I like Denise comment, but also agree in part with Allishu. No full background check, but ensure he hasn't got a secret wife at home somewhere. Easy to do. Ask yourself these questions. Does he allow you to call his mobile phone anytime? Even at 3 am? Have you been to his place? Usually if those two are OK, then he is yours. So follow Denise advise, just enjoy the flow and don't push it. Keep an eye on his reactions if you are unavailable to him for some reason, weekend away, or trip with girlfriend. If he is totally cool with it, take care. Any normal guy will show a little disappointment that you are doing something without him.

Oh Prince Charming has his faults, dont get me wrong. And I can see his faults without judging them or causing them to push me away. He is still a guy no matter how amazing he is lol. I dont think Ill be doing a backround check, and yes I can call him at any time, yes I have been to his place. Also he has no problem being seen with me, or introducing me to his friends or family. So Im not worried that he is anything other than what he appears. I have no problem with moving slow, I prefer it actually. I just dont want to give him the impression Im not in it with serious intent. I am looking for a lasting relationship. I will take your advice Denise and right down what scares me , thats a really good way of knowing myself and what I need in a relationship. As for doing things away from him, yes I make sure to tell him about how much fun I had seeing friends and doing things when he is busy or tired. This guy isnt my life, just one part of it. Thank you all for your advice, I shall definitely take your comments to heart.

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