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How do I make my friends with benefits become a relationship?

Published on November 7, 2012 by liphorium

Okay. This is a huge problem for me. I met this boy at the end of university last year and we started dating over the summer. We fell in love. Now, a couple weeks ago we broke up. He said he didn't feel as strongly about me anymore, but he was still attracted and cared about me, but because of my depression it made us unhealthy. Probably about a week after we broke up, I suggested we still fool around. He agreed. We hang out, and do pretty much all the same stuff we did when we were together. He kisses/hugs me hello and goodbye. We cuddle and watch movies. We act like idiots and get junk food. The only thing we don't do is say, "i love/miss you" and hold hands. I don't get it. 

On the weekend we both ended up at the bar. I had left with my friend for a while to go to a liquor store because we didn't pre-drink enough and we were spending too much at the bar and weren't getting tipsy. A few times we ran into people and chatted with them. We didn't find a liquor store open and went back to the bar. We had a couple more drinks and started dancing. My fwb said we should all go back to his friends place to get more drunk and party. And just as he was leading my friend and I to the exit, one of the guys we ran into on the street got excited when he saw us. We laughed and talked briefly and then my friend and I turned around and my fwb was gone. Right at that moment I got a text from him: "Are you coming... or you can stay with that guy. Whatever." So we hurried out. He was jealous. And he's always asking if I have met any guys to like "hang out" with. I tell him no, since I haven't. He always says, "Good:)" 

So we went to his friends, we all got drunk, my friend hooked up with one of his, and he and I hooked up. 

Argh. It's SO annoying!! He's always complimenting my body and says he loves it and he loves when we have sex and I have the most gorgeous boobs.The other day I said I couldn't go out cause I already took off my makeup and was in my frumpy clothes, and he told me he's seen me at my worst. I can't remember what I said after, but then he said, "you always look beautiful:)" Like what the fuck!? Do you think he wants to get back together, or is he just fucking with me immensely?? 

I know I could just talk to him.. but I'm too nervous right now.. I don't want to hear something I don't want to. I'm not ready yet. 

Also, I got on some new medications and have being a shrink. I've never loved life more and everyone can see that. He's even noted. So I don't know. 

ANSWERS

Typically when it comes to FWB relationships turning into actual relationships i tell people to forget it... but this is slightly different since the two of you used to be together and it seems like the depression took a toll on the relationship. If I were you, I would continue to see your shrink, take your meds, and hang out with this guy but you are going to have to talk to him about this.. if the depression was the only thing that broke the two of you up and thats under control now then maybe he is open to trying again!.. on the flipside, you may need to keep your options open and start dating other guys casually (no sex) just in case he isn't open to getting back together.. his feelings seem to still be there but you really wont know until you have a real honest talk with him. Just be prepared for all outcomes. Good luck!

Random thoughts come to mind: 1. Why are you drinking to get drunk when you are on meds for depression? Not a sign of health. 2. He already told you what he wanted, and you offered him an alternative. You know what he wants. It seems like you are trying to manipulate your way into a relationship, which he said he didn't want. 3. He's a douche bag for accepting your proposal. 4. Sounds like he doesn't want to commit to you, but expects you to be committed to him - selfish! That's a no-no in my book. Conclusion: Give yourself time. Depression is difficult enough, and your body needs time to adjust. Your mind needs time to catch up with your new meds, and it will only help you to go s.l.o.w. This guy might or might not be someone you want to be with long term, but neither one of you will know for sure unless you set healthy boundaries and relax.

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