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How do i make my bf understand?

Published on August 7, 2010 by kellydx360

I have always been in the wrong relationship which usualy consist of abuse so i am scared to trust my boyfriend. He is not like other guys i date but he gets mad at me when i have trust issues becasue of my ex-boyfriends and he doens't understand that. How do i get him to understand and let tell him to let me trust him more? We have been together for a year but i still get scared though.


Kelly - First of all it's okay that you get scared. We ALL have emotional holes that get stirred up in intimate relationships. The difference between people who have healthy relationships and those that let their holes eat away at great relationships is how much you are willing to go into your emotional holes and heal them.

The truth is that nothing your boyfriend does or doesn't do will make your Trust issues go away. Your cells have been programmed to not trust based on the abusive relationships you have had in the past. The only way to the other side, where you can have a trusting relationship and not 'put other people's sins' onto your current boyfriend, is to get some help healing those holes.

I was in a verbally abusive relationship for 15 years, and then met walking love, my guy Noah. I got scared alot. But I put myself into therapy, I started attending a spiritual center, and I worked with a body worker and EFT practioner to repattern my cells from fear to trust when it came to men.

If you don't have a support team, you need one. You can't get through this on your own. I called mine my troupe of angels!

Lastly, everything you are experiencing boils down to one thing... you loving Kelly.
That is where you need to start with this journey, to make the commitment to love yourself. And if you don't know what that means, you can take a look at my book Choosing ME before WE, where I share my journey of self love and relationship. I hope it helps.

with much heart, Christine

Kelly, Congratulations on finally breaking the cycle of abuse and being with a boyfriend who is healthier. I'm sure it is frustrating for both of you to have these trust issues continue to come up.

It absolutely will take time for your mind and body to "catch up" with this new, healthy way of being. Sounds like you need some support in moving through it and "updating" your old trust (or actually mistrust) patterns. A good psychotherapist can certainly help, as can some of the self-help (12-step) programs, perhaps Codependents Anonymous. I'm not saying that you are codependent, just that you can get a lot of support from others who have gone through similar issues.

AND, good communication with your partner in BOTH directions is also critical. You might want to read a few of my posts on this, either at Your Tango or at my blogsite,

It CAN get better.

Dr. Adam Sheck