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How do I get through a divorce and learn to live again

Published on January 15, 2012 by lwhite

My husband left me july 4.208.  We are not divorced yet.  He is hiding money and assets.  He has a woman living in our 2nd home and she is trying to be the grandma and mother to my 14  and 33 year old.  He will not communicate with me.  He said as far as he is concerned we are divorced and I am dead to him.  We were married for 17 years.  Owned and operated a buisness together.  He kept the buisness and locked me out of it.  He took over half of the contents of our home plus everything from the garage.  My heart is broke.  I cant seem to meet anyone in this very small town that I ive in.  How do I move on?  I teach through the week. Only make 22,000.00 a year where wed use to make around 100,000.00 and ran alot through the buisness.  I stay in my home unless I am at work.  His life has gone on with living like he is married to a new woman who claims the house she lives in is hers, her boat, her motorcycle when my name is still on that house.  The boat and motorcycle were bought between my husband and myself.  I dont  know how to get divorced,  my lawyer doesnt return phone calls, i am lost! Please help

ANSWERS

  1. Know that your self-worth as a human being is not dependent on him or any other person.
  2. Get a new lawyer who returns phone calls and protects your interests.
  3. Find a therapist. It sounds like you have gotten depressed. One hallmark of depression is the quality of hopelessness.

Your life is not over and you don't need a husband to feel good about yourself. Get some help, follow their advice and move on to a new and wonderful life.

My first thought is you need a new lawyer, someone who will take your calls and your case seriously. You want to get what's fair in the situation.

But most importantly, the second part of your question involving learning to live again is a little more complicated. You will need to let go of your relationship with your husband. This means stop wishing you will get back together and stop being hurt and/or angry. When you think of him, you want to be grateful for the good parts of the relationship and forgiving of the rest so you can successfully move on. As long as you are still emotionally connected with him, it will be difficult for you to start something new that works out well.

I am sorry you're having to go through this right now. Your ex is behaving like a bratty child and you don't deserve it.

Definitely third the advice to find a new lawyer-- in most states the division of assets is pretty well laid out, you just need someone to help guide you through it. You deserve a lawyer who returns phone calls, answers questions, and does whatever is necessary to get this resolved quickly so you can get back on your financial feet.

Next, find a good therapist and a support group. Find a support group NOW, as in today, as in why are you still reading this... look on Meetup or google to see what's going on in your area. It may take a few tries to find a therapist that you can both afford and who you have a good rapport with, but finding yourself in the midst of a group of people who are going through the same thing should help you find your equilibrium while you're looking for a therapist. Let yourself be supported by others. What you're going through right now is hard, but there's no reason to do it alone.

Lastly, think about what you want your life to look like in a year or so when the dust settles. Then make one small positive step towards realizing that life every day. Give yourself something to look forward to. When you have the energy, take up a hobby or take a class so you will meet other people-- and not just men. Don't underestimate the healing power that a few good friendships will have in your life right now. You definitely don't want another romantic relationship in your life until you've moved on from this one. I know you feel as if you've got a gaping hole in your life from the ending of this relationship-- but starting another one right away isn't going to fill it. And trying will not be fair to either you or the man you try it with.

Good luck. Take a few deep breaths. You will get through this.

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