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How do I get over a really bad relationship?

Published on July 7, 2009 by fm055

I am really struggling to get over a really bad relationship I was in. My ex was very violent towards me and destroyed my confidence by frequently cheating on me. Since we broke up a few years ago I have been unable to sustain a healthy relationship - I think I'm picking bad guys as I am so scared of getting so hurt again. can anyone give me advice to sort myself out? Thanks!

ANSWERS

Sometimes, it's not as much a matter of getting over a bad relationship as it is learning from it. What you went through sounds pretty terrible, so you may want to speak to a professional therapist who can help you realize why you're making not-so-great choices in men.

MUSIC! Plug in those ear buds and fill your soul with music! Katy Perry's "hot and cold" is great, "I can do better" Avril Lavigne, "All that Sh** is Gone, Carolina Liar; "I hate everyone" Get Set Go; "What Goes Around", Justin Timberlake. Well, u get the idea - ANYTHING that will EMPOWER YOU.

See, it's not really "the relationship" you're having a hard time getting over - it's the fact that you participated in a bad relationship and didn't leave it when you could have.

Music certainly helped ME with the above songs. It's powerful and it will help you get your groove back!

Smiles!

my ex is like that but didn't cheat and wasnt violent. he made so many promises that he couldnt keep.

the best thing u can do is forget what he did to u and try to go out and see what is out there. my ex was the worse relationship that i have ever had. i got over him within months and now i am happily engaged to my future husband.

not all guys are going to get with you and treat u like your ex did. there are many men that are out there that are not like that. it's going to take time to heal but eventually its the thing in the past.

I wouldn't say forget what happened. Learn from it, but don't live in it, which is exactly what you're doing. I don't know if you even realize what he's done to you. He's taken away your self esteem, and, in effect, has control over you. He's made you feel as though you can never trust a man again (again, having control).

Part of your bad choices goes to the fact that you have fed into what he wanted you to: that you don't deserve to be happy. Instead of trying to establish any type of relationship, you need to work on yourself first. You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Then, look at what you want from a relationship. Think of how you want to be treated. Change your mindset. Stop thinking about what you DON"T want, and focus instead on what you DO want.

Live your life and stop worrying about meeting a man. That will come in its own time. Set some reasonable standards that you would like to achieve, for yourself and what you want out of a relationship. Learn how to read a man. We're not that complicated. Most men reveal themselves early in the relationship, and what you see is pretty much what you'll get. Get past the initial romance stuff; that's pretty much standard. Look at how he acts in everyday life. Pay attention to his words, and see if he backs them up in his actions. See if he's consistent, both with what he does and says, as well as the standards you've set. Remember, people don't rise to low expectations.

Don't be so quick to give control of your life to a man. Don't allow your world to revolve around a man. When you're happy with yourself, a man should enhance that. He can't create it for you.

I've been where you are...

It takes time. It takes a lot of time and a break from relationships for a while. Once you learn to focus on YOU and to love YOU, then you'll be ready to have a healthy relationship. Healthy people attract other healthy people. :-)

Your ex hurt you deeply. Be still. Sit with that and just feel that pain. You have to go through it to get over it. Give it time and take it day by day.

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