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Give Advice: I Can't Get Over Her History

Published on March 2, 2012 by jrmason

I have just gotten back together with the first girlfriend I ever had. We took each others virginity and we broke up a little over 2 years ago. We started dating when I was 17 and she was 18. Now Im 22 and shes 23. We always stayed friends and stayed in touch and now we have gotten back together. Unfortunately we told each other how many people we have slept with in the last 2 and a half years. I told her that I had only slept with one person, unfortunately that person is a friend of hers :(. Needless to say she flipped her shit. I didnt tell her this but I turned down opportunities to hook up with at least 3 more of her friends but I didnt. I have refrained from sleeping with anyone after sleeping with her friend because I realized that I was never over my ex girlfriend. Well now that I have my past out of the way, my ex told me that she slept with 13 guys (me included). Honestly I feel like that is pretty tough to look past. She said she didnt hook up with anyone for 7 months after we broke up. So that means she pretty much slept with 12 guys in a year and a half. At that rate she would of been with 30 at the age of 25!! For me it would not be hard to look past if I had just slept with more girls than I did. Honestly it is hard to think of being physical with her without seeing her with 12 other guys. Honestly I dont think it would be as hard to look past if we didnt date 2 and a half years ago. Any suggestions on how to get past it?


Sigh This is a tough one. I was never able to date a guy that had been with more than 3 people (at any age lol), so I understand why it may be hard for you to overlook. Anyway, I asked my friend how he dealt with it because his ex girlfriend was a bit...sexually liberated...before they met. He said that he didn't think about it and tried to focus on the good qualities that she offered the relationship. He did mention that it was hard at first because he could only think about all of the penis that may have been in her mouth, but he says that you just have to be comfortable in your skin and understand that almost everyone is someone's ex. So everyone will have baggage, some more than others, but baggage just the same. What you have to do is figure out if her good qualities outweigh the baggage of her past flings. Oh and he wanted me to let you know that the relationship didn't end because of her past, it ended because he realized that he would never marry her (due to other things), so he didn't want to waste her time. My suggestion: Try being friends again and see if, even with this information, you want to be with her. Good Luck!

Good lord. This is why I never ask nor answer that particular question. She's upset because you slept with her friend, you're upset because she slept with more people than you think is appropriate. So I guess now we've learned that full disclosure is not always a good thing. Now you've both got to figure out what to do with the information that you've learned.

So here's what you've got to do, see if you can live with this fact about her without judging or punishing her for it. Part of me thinks you're a bit jealous. But it is absolutely NOT fair for you to try to calculate how many guys she would have slept with if she didn't get back with you. Everyone deals with heartache and getting back out there to date differently and chances are that once she was feeling on a more even keel, she'd have settled down to start dating seriously again.

This is why I say if you don't want to know the ending to the story don't read the book. THE TRUTH YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH

for goodness sakes, let bygones be bygones, im in the female partner side of this situation,and I dont see why its so hard to let what is the past be the past, and see right now in the present,- i like this person, we get along fine, we can have fun and are compatible in a lot of areas. why get bogged down on one thing thats actually for me -because the person was feeling unsettled in life, re the number of guys thing,why do we have to be stoned about our lives?, no ones perfect and everyone has weaknesses of some kinds in different ways in their pasts.If you are soooo judgmental about us then leave us alone rather than try and hold onto us and be unfairly mismatching us.

What's past is past. Is sounds more like you are regretting NOT sleeping with more people and believe me, I've been where you are. Talk about how you want your relationships to progress from now on. (You both need to) forget about the past and build your relationship for the future.