0 0


how do i get him to understand i need more patience than most?

Published on October 8, 2010 by missa1978

i have been in abusive marriage and now that i am with him i still have all the feelings and fears from the past and i need to learn to trust and he gets made and we cant work on things if he wont help me.


I totally know where you're coming from. I was in an abusive engagement (thankfully, I was lucky enough to get out before we were married), and my boyfriend sometimes doesn't get my fears and feelings. He's a perfect man, my boyfriend now, and it's really hard trying to communicate to him how I'm feeling. What I do that pisses him off to no end is when I'm upset, I'll usually shut off and not talk and think things through on my own. This comes from getting abused every time I opened my mouth with my ex. After I think about the problem and gather myself and what I'm going to say, I go back to my boyfriend and tell him exactly what made me upset, WHY it did, and how we could avoid it in the future. Why it makes him so mad is that he doesn't like it when I don't talk about what I'm feeling. He's not very patient with me, and this goes directly with what you're saying. One night, I sat him down (after we had gotten in a fight and I shut down, then later made up), and expressed to him that even though he doesn't understand right at that moment why I do things the way I do (because honestly, missa, no one can understand what an abusive relationship can do to someone unless they have lived through it), he's going to have to accept that that is simply what I HAVE to do right now. I have to disassociate myself from the problem, and bring it up later when I feel less vunerable. Since then, he's gotten better at critiquing how I deal with problems that rise up, but it's going to take a lot of work from both our sides to meet somewhere in the middle. Hope this helped maybe just a little! -Claire