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How do I get him to commit to a bf/gf relationship?

Published on September 7, 2010 by morningmist

I've been "casually" seeing a guy for 1.5 months now. A couple of a weeks ago he established that even though he likes me, he wasn't up for a relationship because he was scared of all the dramas that come with it. At that point I told him that I couldn't see him exclusively if he was undecided and that I need to keep my options open, in order to protect myself. We then decided to take a "step back" and just try be normal friends. Then a week ago we hung out and one thing led to another. It wasn't planned but we both wanted it. I established again that I was going to keep my options open and he just said "Yeah." I had a feeling he doesn't like that but he knows he can't saying anything either because he's the one that's undecided. One time, when we were in bed together he asked me, "So right now, am I yours? As in, are you still keeping your options open?" and I asked "As in...in this moment right now? Well, yes." and he said "You're mine too." What does that even mean?! He said he wanted someone, but he doesn't know if he can be in a relationship. It still confuses me what he wants (or maybe I just don't want to accept it). And I have a very bad feeling that this can get messy. Even though I am talking to other guys and trying to "protect myself" I feel like when he does get sick of me and do the fade-out...I'll be hurt. Maybe not heart-broken, but still pretty upset. Am I digging myself a hole here? Is this what I should expect of the dating scene? I know that I am not ready for another long-term relationship just yet. I'd like to date, get to know people. But I won't rule out a relationship if someone "right" comes along. And I think I may have become too attached to him. If we're spending time together once or twice a week, even holding hands when we're strolling along, what does that make us? Last night I confessed (over the phone) to him that I had kissed a guy when I was out over the weekend, he didn't sound too happy but said "Don't worry about it, we're not exclusive...but I'm glad you told me." I'm scared that he won't see me again after this...

ANSWERS

Ive been in this situation before and well we lasted about 5 months before I broke it off. It was obvious that this person was not in to me, but her excuse was well Ive never looked this good before (she lost 85 lbs in a year) and I need to keep my options open so I don't want to be exclusive. But then she would spend most of her time with me, and would wanna sleep over, and bring me flowers and even hinted at us moving in together, and just as much as she would behave as though she ha interest she did the opposite as well, always late, last minute cancels, refused to give us a title even after 3 months, but then we went on vacation together and on the plane I was very upfront and told her if you want to be with me in any shape or form, it has got to only be me and no one else since she wasn't giving me the time or space to see other people I needed to know ... and well that was pretty much it. I say put up the ultimatum from now and see what happens, do you wanna develop feelings and then find out you have waisted months you can never get back? tons of luck!

You need to put a stop to this now! You have pretty much admitted that neither one of you are really ready for a relationship,so until you are,you should stay single. This will only bring you heartache and suffering in the long run. God has better for you and if you trust Him and wait for HIS timing,you'll find it. I'll be praying for you.

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