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How do I get a guy to want more than just sex from a relationship

Published on July 19, 2009 by lovenests2002

I have dating a guy 4 times once a week for 4 weeks,and my mistake is that we had sex on the first night.I only hear from him once a week and mostly all we do is have sex,he says he wants more than just sex in the relationship but also wants to date other people.I really like this guy and want more from the relationship than just sex.How do I know what he really wants,and how do I get him to want more out of this relationship than just sex.

ANSWERS

Listen to what he said to you: he says he wants more than just sex in the relationship but also wants to date other people. If that's not a red flag for you, then I don't know what is.

One of the biggest reasons why women get hurt and disappointed is because they don't pay attention to what a man says or does. If this man is TELLING you that he wants to date other people, you really need to pay attention to him. Don't even listen to that stuff about wanting more than just sex. He's told you what he wants. When (not if, but when) he does start seeing other people, remember that he told you this upfront.

Another thing is this: he doesn't take you seriously. You had sex with him on the first night? And you continue to have sex with him even AFTER he told you that he wants to date other people? He wants to date other people because he believes that you're not wifey material. If you slept with him on the first night, how does he know that you haven't done that before? That's what his mindset is. Plus, he calls you once a week, and you end up having sex with him. He's pretty much using you to get his habit straightened out.

Stop having sex and spend time together getting to know each other. In the meantime, date other people yourself.

Tbone and Black Iris are right. He has already told you what he wants, so in his book if you are still sleeping with him and haven't said anything contrary to what he has stated than its all fair game, and he has a right to think so.

It doesn't sound like you told him what you want, and possibly because you were afraid he was going leave. Now he probably will leave if you didn't tell him and you try to tell him now that you want a monogamous relationship.

The real question is why would you want him to stay? Its been a month. You know he doesn't want anything serious and you do. Bad timing right now. You can try and just hang out and not have sex, and you should let him know why you are doing that, but I get the feeling he won't stick around for that. It won't hurt if you tell him what you want either way, and you should learn to let whoever you are dating know what you want.

I'm not going to say you made a mistake in sleeping with him on the first date. Its possible to find a guy who will want more than just sex even after you've slept with him on the first night, but its usually not the best way to go about it. If you choose to sleep with the guy on the first date then keep in mind that its extremely likely that all you will have is a guy to sleep with every now and then. That way you won't be surprised when he wants to date around.

Bottom line, learn to be more forth coming with what you want and stick to it. If what you want and what the other person wants aren't in alignment then thats it, move on. No amount of hanging around and hoping for things to change will actually cause that change to happen, and you'll be left hurt and confused when he does start seeing other people. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you...he just doesn't want a steady relationship right now, and he didn't hide that from you.

Thanks to everyone that responding to my question,I appreciate all the input. This is all new to me I will take your advice to heart Thanks again Lovenests2002

Firstly, I need to get this point across to any and all women are this website... just because you have sex with a guy on the first date/second date/whenever, it doesn't mean he won't want to date you. I have done this with every relationship since I was 16 and have had NO problems holding onto any of the men I was involved with. Sure, sometimes it was only for 3 months, sometimes 8 or 9, sometimes over 2 years. So just because you have sex before you are "official" doesn't mean it's impossible. As for him wanting to date other people, I agree with those before me, that's a red flag if you want a solo relationship. Keep looking for a man who will want the same things you want :-)

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