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How do I gauge where he is, and communicate my desire to take things slow?

Published on December 10, 2012 by lorettasmith

I recently started seeing "Jake", a guy our mutual friend "Emily" set me up with. We are both 23, and are seniors in college who have recently gotten out of serious relationships (both 4 years long too!). I've had about 6 months of being single to enjoy, but he has only been single for about 2 months. I know, not long. I'm not looking for anything serious with him right now, but I do like him. I haven't said anything about my position but he has mentioned that he isn't looking either, and we took it from there. Well he took me on a few dates and we really hit it off. We get along great and always enjoy each others company no matter if we are having a deep conversation or just goofing off. He was a total gentleman and initially showed all the signs of being very interested in me (calling/texting first, setting established dates to hang out, showing me off in public and telling his friends about me). We had been seeing each other twice/three times a week for a little over a month, and we were getting along great. He expressed that he thought I was "the coolest girl he had ever met" and that he doesn't intend to lead me on for much longer. well after that conversation he went back home for thanksgiving break which is about 5 days. Things havent been the same since and he has stopped talking to me altogether. I think he is afraid. I'm not trying to make excuses for him; I don't need this relationship to work. I just find it interesting that he would do such a 180 when just two weeks before about 3 of my friends all showed me text messages from him stating how much he liked me. I know his ex; she is controlling and still tries regularly to control his actions. not to mention I had a fling with his cousin "Zed" right after my breakup 6 months ago (Keep in mind I had never met Jake or even knew of his existence at the the time and did not know that he and Zed were related - it was a one night mistake that Jake already knew about going into the relationship because our mutual friend Emily had told him about it and let him know that I had no interest in Zed whatsoever). Despite these factors my gut is telling me that things are supposed to work out between him and I and that there just needs to be some communication. We have great connection and chemistry and honestly I think if we both didnt have some apprehension we would have already started dating. He is a very genuine and kind-hearted guy and I am very attracted to him. Having all that said, I want to know how I should approach these upcoming weeks. Finals are coming up and he told me that he would contact me after they are over so that we can hang out, but I don't believe him. I know he is probably eager to play the field and I don't hold that against him because I didn't want a relationship yet either - I just don't think that he knows that and didn't want to hurt my feelings. This is tough because we both knew starting out that this was supposed to be casual, but almost like the crappy chick flicks you see on tv we both grew too close too quickly and he has rejected it (understandibly so). If a week after finals go by and I havent heard from him, I have already decided that I am going to contact him. But I don't know what to say. Should I simply ask him if he is interested in me anymore, or let him know that he shouldn't have assumed that I was looking for a relationship and that I want to take things slow? And better yet, no matter what his response is should i give him some space before we consider resuming seeing each other? I want to approach this as logically as I can so that I don't screw things up. I'd also appreciate any advice on how to word all of this properly :P Thanks guys!!