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How do I exercise emotional intelligence when I'm extremely disappointed and hurt?

Published on March 5, 2010 by tcandy542

My dating experiences usually start off great. The men that I go out with are very attracted to me physically and they love the stimulating conversation. I usually have them calling me all day long in the beginning of the romance, until they do something stupid (like lie to me or break a promise) and it pisses me off. Usually at that point, I'm so deeply annoyed and may use some choice words, which causes them to disconnect emotionally. Most my potential relationships end in this way. How can I handle situations like this better?

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I'm not exactly sure that you're in the wrong for getting upset if someone lies to you or breaks a promise. Unless they were really little things that didn't make a difference. But you could try not raising your voice. Definitely not swearing. And just expressing your disappointment by telling them that they've hurt your feelings and broken your trust and that you hoped that they had enough respect for you to tell you the truth. You could also try waiting to contact them after you get pissed off until your anger cools down. Then again, maybe the guys you've dated thus far aren't really worth having a relationship with if they are liars.

You are right that often emotional baggage from previous experiences makes us overreact in the present. The fact that you recognize this is great, but I worry that your question purely defined your perception of the relationship by how into you the men are. Of course that is all fine and dandy, but I have to agree with the previous posting that its also a good thing to pause at the cause that upset you in the first place as sometimes you just may not be overreacting! Its important to make sure that you are your own priority especially in the beginning when there isn't enough trust earned to put someone else's needs before your own. They really should have to earn that, as will you.

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